Hi

Ummm....yeah, hi....sorry about that. I had to put the blog down to answer the door and found the Jehovah's Witness sales pitch fascinating. Where were we?

Fore!

Shot my best golf ound of the year on Monday on a rather difficult course - 79. VERY excited because I have a trip to Trump National Golf Course (Westchester NY), Cape Cod tournament and another outing the following week all on tap.

Gettin' It Good

Nooo...not that kind of Gettin' It Good. You perverts!

My daughter has it good. Damn good. Her summer:

1 week of camp with her two best friends -- crafts, sports, bowling, mini-golf, pool, etc.
1 week of golf camp (1/2 day) then swim /ice skating camp (2nd half of day)
2 weeks of vactaion in Mytle Beach with her family (twas lovely)
1 week of vacation on a lake in Maine with her Aunt
4 weeks of swim camp, with morning sports activities thrown in
1 week of adventure camp w/ swimming, rock climbing, zip lines, etc.

Throw in assorted weekend excursions to the beach, shopping, cookouts, mini golf, family parties and friend's birthday parties (she goes to like 3 per month).

Yeah. She got it good. Its cool to be 8!

Weather or Not

So Tuesday we had an earthquake and Sunday we expect a hurricane. I AM still in Connecticut, right?

Let's Get Physical

I had a long overdue physical today. Apart from the fact that he didn't buy me dinner before violating me (he did apologize ahead of time), he was very happy with my health. I have slightly elevated blood pressure (my family is riddled with hypertension) so he gave me a 'script just to keep it in check. Otherwise I'm fine. Although I've been trying to drop a few pounds in the past few weeks, he called me "lean". I'm not fat, but I'm not lean. Furthermore, he also seemed to think I am much more fit than I am based on the heart test results. So I'll go with that as well.

Am I more fit than I give myself credit for? Or is he just used to seeing big slobs?

He even thought my tats were cool. That makes him cool in my book.

Winner, Winner Chicken Dinner

After taking a half day to play golf with my buddy and playing my best of the year, I won $245 playing poker Friday night. That's a cool way to start a weekend.

Saturday night I had a date with the wife. Its the first time we've left the boy with anyone and the girl had a sleepover. We saw The Hangover II. Hysterical! If you liked the first one, you'll like this one. Then we went to a nice late dinner - and I ordered fish! Yes, red meat lover that I am, I wanted a change of pace. And it was good! Such a lovely evening.

Then, on Sunday, I was able to finally fix my gas grill to my satisfaction. It's been a pain for 2 years, but I finally think its all set now. I'm such a typical guy, I love all things cooked over open flames. AND, I was able to fix the gas burner on the stove the same day! I'm regular Tim Allen lately!

Then today I weighed myself and I'm down almost 5 pounds in 10 days! My crash diet for vacation next month is off to a flying start. Nothing like waiting until the last minute, eh?

Quite the positive experiences the past few days.

Stand Up, Stand Up....

My little guy is standing on his own. But he hasn't taken a step yet. Any minute now he will.

Family!

Yesterday, we hosted a get-together for our son's 1st birthday. It was around 24 people or so and I enjoy hosting, usually.

But let me tell you about my brother's family: yeah the one that ran out of food on Thanksgiving! His wife and his 22-year old son are just friggin' weird. There's no nice way to put it. The kid does not in the slightest grasp social nuances or graces. And his mother's semi-superior attitude has worn me to the bone.

Of course, this is after a history of "issues" with them, so as I tell this tale, bear in mind its not the first such thing.

What was originally an outdoor party became an indoor one because it got cool outside. Lasagna was the main meal and there was a lot of it so it was taking a bit longer to re-heat than expected. The masses were hungry, so I couldn't blame them for being a bit anxious to eat. However, the family I mentioned above all camped out in my 9 x 14 kitchen, getting completely underfoot and doing nothing to expedite things. When the lasagna was close, we set out bread and salad, etc. on the "buffet" table in the adjoining dining room. The son, who now has a girlfriend - how he has one is a mystery of the universe - and said girlfriend start to serve themselves. I mention, "dinner's not quite ready, you guys might want to hold off just now."

"No, we're okay." was his response and they continued to serve themselves and sit down and eat! In normal society, my statement really means "dinner is not ready, please don't start in yet" does it not? But they don't take the clue and his mom comes over and starts helping herself next! What's the proper way to tell people to stop fucking eating! My mom would do it and it would come across as rude. So we said nothing.

Dinner is finally served maybe 20 minutes later and guess who the first three persons were in line? And they ALL grabbed more bread and salad. I mean, really? Really? We had enough food - but not by too much - we expected 17. Mind you, anything that family does frustrates me and I dont' suffer fools well but I bit my tongue. I had no idea until this morning how pissed off the nearly unflappabel Mrs. Nouveau was either.

A little later, my wife asks the mom, out sister in law, if she can get her anything to drink.

"What do you have?" is the response.

My wife responded, "Well, we have beer, all different sorts of wine, margaritas, most mixed drinks, coke, diet coke, root beer, orange soda, lemonade and bottled water." Now, in text I can't do the impression my wife does of my sister-in-law, but think of the whiniest voice you can when you read she answered, "Hmmmm, well, ummmmmm......I don't really want any of that.....I guess just a water then." She seemed completely disappointed.

Unbelievable! I ask this, gentle reader and answer honestly. What is NOT on that list that any reasonable party-goer would expect to be offered? Clamato? Prune juice? Moxie? Seriously, if you're tastes are so off the beaten path for refreshments perhaps you should really bring your own. Am I wrong. Everyone else seemed to find something acceptable.

I am pretty much best friends with my brother so I really try not to say anything, but his family drives me bonkers! In fact, drives everyone bonkers.

Just Trust Me On This One

My daughter wanted to wear a pretty summer dress today with white tights underneath. When she couldn't find any tights, she decided to pull her knee socks up to mid-thigh.

I struggled to explain to her why that's not a good look for an 8-year-old. Needless to say, she did NOT go to school like that.

Blog-It

A bunch of my blogger labels are screwey! I don't need this shit. I barely have/make time to blog as it is, let along fix stuff.

Fans

But my little girl wants to come watch me play softball tonight. That's kind of cool to have her tag along. It'll be fun to show her that her old man's not half bad even if he's not what he once was, you know?

She's in her 2nd year playing and has been progressing leaps and bounds. She's one of the better ones on the team, knows it, yet wants to practice to get even better so I'm helping her with that. She's even slightly interested in watching baseball on TV to learn more about it.

At least the weather's spectacular. Wish me luck.

Hang it Up?

Softball begins tomorrow night. I think for the first time in my life I'm not looking forward to it in the slightest. I know they're going to want me to play outfield and, frankly, my old bones and muscles can't do it anymore. Yet, I seem to be the best option they have.

My mind still harkens back to playing tournament level games where I wasn't sure I belonged and marveled at the talent levels of those around me. In retrospect, I must have belonged because I was asked to play by the team owners and its not like they didn't have choices. For the most part I played quite well. I've also played for many local, talented teams who've gone on to the championship.

Now I'm jaded. I sit and marvel at the inablility of my teamates and their general lack of baseball knowledge as a whole. I've tried ahrd and adapted a bit over the years and try to make it more fun than competitive yet I'm getting to the point where I don't feel I can be competitive. I even fear embarrassing myself out there.

I know I can't do what I could or really even come close to it. I really want to be the guy the team can depend on and I feel I have been to this point. But I'm not sure I can be in the future. Hell, I was sore after practicing with my daughter on Sunday. Practicing!

I'll be 45 this year. I've said it before but have yet to follow through on it, but I think after this year I'm done.

Appreciate it

Its been over a year now since I left my part-time gig at the casino and I still appreciate it when I know I don't have to give up my nights over the weekend. Especially a splendid looking one like this one coming up!

Easter Hotness

Did everyone have a good Easter? I assume you celebrate it. Its nowhere near my favorite holiday. We went out to an incredibly over-priced Easter buffet then came back with family to my house for drinks.

The weather was very warm, but made even warmer by how hot Mrs. Nouveau looked!

My Music

Three posts in a row. Pretty good, huh? Actually, these past two were pre-written. I feel guilty when I don't post knowing both my readers are anxiously anticipating my next incredible witicism (did that come across as sarcastic?).

Anyway, I'm thinking of paring down my music on my phone. Lately, I've been skipping a number of songs. I'm not sure why, sometimes I'm just not in the mood for certain songs. And if I do it time and again, why is it on there?

Here's my next ten per the shuffle feature:

1. Lonely is the Night -- Billy Squier. I could see myself skipping that one time and again.
2. Just the Way You Are - Billy Joel. I have been skipping some of the BJ songs, even though I'm a huge fan and have most of his library loaded up. But that's never one of him. Someday I should post about what a genius BJ really is.
3. Get Naked - Methods of Mayhem. M of M is Tommy Lee's band and this is the only song I know. Its filthy but for some reason I find it fun. Even if it can't be listened to in mixed (any) company.
4. Get Stoned - Hinder. Love this band but somebody was done wrong. They have a lot of anger in their songs, but in a whimsical way, if that's possible.
5. Stairway to Heaven - Pat Boone. Did you read far enough to see Pat Boone. He did an entire album of hard rock/heavy metal in his own style/voice. I think its hysterical and its actually quite good music, considering a big band is playing rock. I thought my wife would think so too, but she thinks I'm nuts for spending the money and doesn't get it at all. We can't connect on everything I guess.
6. Breaking Inside - Shinedown. Another band I'm crazy about as I think I've mentioned in past posts.
7. Never Again - Nickelback. Kind of a fluff band, but fun and catchy.
8. No Leaf Clover - Metallica. This particular version is off the S&M album wherein they recorded with the San Fransisco Philharmonic Orchestra. Plenty of Metallica fans think they sold out doing a concert with and orchestra but I think its really cool. Heavy metal with horns and violas, cellos, violins etc. is really cool I think. I'm always a big fan of different versions of stuff I already like (see Pat Boone above).
9. I Am The Bulldog. Kid Rock. I'm starting to think I'm losing interest in KR. I used to like his stuff a ton, but I've been skipping it lately.
10. World of Fantasy - Triumph. Wow, this is kind of old school '80's rock. Triumph had a great 5 year run or so, but ended up on the lower rung of Canadian Rock Trios.

There's my 10. I'm always curious about what comes up. Your opinions?

Un-Friendly

My mom has taken to commenting on Facebook posts. Now I don't post much, but sometimes something sweet and short will strike my fancy and I'll post it. God knows why, though. So, my mom corrected my grammar in one, then, totally didn't get the joke that I was making.

I didn't have the energy to explain the joke, but I commented back that if we're going to start correcting spelling and grammar in Facebook, we're in for the long haul. Among others, my wife's cousin has YET to spell a word correctly. And don't even get me started on her grammar.....

So I promised my mom I'd do better and she said "thanks honey". Oh brother

Speaking of brother, my brother made a politically incorrect comment. He called himself a 'tard in one of his posts. My mom called him out on that by pointing out how non-PC that was. Unfortunately, he's not one to pick and choose battles. He always has to get into it with her.

I'm not quite sure my mom gets Facebook. Frankly, neither do I but in a different way.

Should we "unfriend" her? Nah, the ramifications of that would be too severe.

Tina Fey - Hot AND Funny

Really, almost a month since I posted? Yeef.

I think a lot of guys share my attraction to Tina Fey. She's so.....cute! And a comedic genius too. Below is something I stole off the internet somewhere. Funny....and poignant.

Tina Fey's Prayers for Her Daughter

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Bea......uty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her --

When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Yeah, its more of a female point of view, but still works, no?

Snow-What?

I don't care if its 41 and there's a cold northerly wind. I'm going golfing. Now where are my snow-shoes?

I Mean, Seriously?

Predictions of 2 to 5 inches of snow today, tonight and into tomorrow have me asking:

WHAT

THE

FUCK?

It was 73 on Friday. I payed my golf club dues and golfed over the weekend. Grrrr.....

Lookee Here!

That's me at about 6 months I'd guess. I keep hearing my boy looks like me. While he does the tongue thing I do there, my eyes were way bigger. I do see some similarities though.