Fitting In

Frequently, like any parent, I wonder what my little girl will be as she grows up. Will she be successful? Will she be smart? Will she be beautiful? Will she be a good person? And, perhaps most importantly, will she be happy? In the end, that's all that really matter to me.

Of course, many five years olds want to grow up and be veterinarians, or doctors or even gymnastics teachers (her latest pronouncement) and I make no attempts to dissuade her from any of her dreams. Again, whatever she wants as long as she's happy, I'm good with it. Certainly, we expect and plan that she go to college but if it became obvious in the future, schooling wasn't for her, then so be it. We would make every effort to help her find what was right for her.

While on line for lunch today, there was the gothiest of goth girls in front of me. She was perhaps 16 or so and decked out all in black including full platform boots with zippers, fishnet stockings, scraggly skirt, tight shirt and leather jacket complete with big bulky buckles. Her hair was also jet black, probably dyed and she had black fingernails and very dark lipstick. She was neither unattractive nor pretty under all that and she was with a similarly garbed young man. She also sported numerous necklaces, bracelets, earrings and a nose stud.

For the most part I have no problem with any of it. I rather admire the sense of individuality and desire not to be one of the masses. As I eyed her I thought to myself I would be okay if my Little One went that route at some point in her teens while understanding that most teens tend to grow out of it and move into more conformity as they want to make their way in the world. As long as it doesn't involve tattoos or weird piercings she may regret later in life anything else can, and probably will, change at the drop of a hat.

But what I puzzled over a bit later was - perhaps these kids do it precisely because they don't fit in and its a built-in excuse for not fitting in. I don't know. I was always a fit-in kind of kid and I still am as an adult. I was never one for crazy, attention-grabbing moves or garb. I wonder if it was because of my nature or because I didn't need to? Did I not dress, shall we say exotically, because I did fit in or, again, was it not simply not in me? I do remember wanting all that my friends had in terms of the latest and coolest fashion, that's for sure.

Granted, no labeling of an individual applies to all. But I do wonder if some in life purposefully make themselves more different because they were already different to begin with. Plus, in doing so, it helps them create or keep bonds with others in similar circumstances. If they all battle life similarly and unified then there's a sense of comraderie in it; a sense of fitting in, if you will. Maybe in their efforts to not fit in, they actually do fit in. Only with peers more like themselves.

I guess, then, that all of us merely want to fit in; to be accepted; to be liked. And if being different is the best way for my Little One finds friends and acceptance, then I'm all for it. Just so long as she's happy.