Two Old Ladies Walk Into a Restaurant....

I was in Wendy's enjoying how well I'm sticking to my diet (NOT!) and reading the manual for my new car because I HAVE to know everything there is to know about cool stuff I buy (stereos, TVs, cell phones, cars).

There were two incredibly cute elderly women at the table next to me. One leaned over and asked if I had bought a new car. Of course I said yes and told them what kind in answer to their next question. They were very happy for me and very sweet in their congratulations.

The one that asked me turned to the other and remarked, "See? That's why young people know so much about things. Because they read."

As if being young was a prerequisite for reading manuals and learning how things work.

The second sweet old lady leaned over and told me, "My husband died 2 years ago right after we bought a new car. I just figured out that the button on the key unlocks the door!!! I've been putting the key in and turning it."

Not sure one need the manual to explain that, but they were just so adorable I just had to smile.

Gambler's Anonymous Time?

Well, I started Superbowl weekend most appropriately; by going to the casino on Friday afternoon (www.mohegansun.com). Since its one of the biggest gambling weekends of the year, thought "why not? let's get it off to a banging start". Would have been more banging if I won....ended up losing $67 after about 3 hours of craps. Not too bad I guess. I've certainly done worse.

Got home in time to take the family out to a nice little dinner, although I felt quite rushed. The place took an hour to seat us (after telling me 35 mins) and I had a poker tourney to get to. So I scarfed down my steak and potatoes and broccoli and beer and left Mrs. Blogger with The Little One to finish their almost complete dinner. Dropped $80 on the table and dashed through the snow (yes, snow! finally got some here.....about 4 inches), paid my $35 entry fee and played well, but got knocked out too early. Rat farts!!! Placed about 16th of 32. Also, kicked in $25 for a future big money tournament that I'll no doubt suck at. So I have that going for me.

On Saturday, Mrs. Blogger really, really had to get some studying done so I took The Little One out of her hair for a daddy/daughter day and we had an absolute blast. Went to my niece's basketball game (which I didn't bet on - would have lost if I could have found some action) and they got trounced by about 25-4. With 4 mins left in the game, the powers that be turned the scoreboard off so as not to embarrass the girls. They're only 10 so that's pretty cool. Then TLO and I went to the driving range and hit a large bucket together before heading to Wendy's for a nice long dinner. I think I ordered almost everything on their menu. Man was I stuffed. All-in-all a great day (but no gambling). So I had to make up for it on Sunday......

Ah, Superbowl Sunday. The big party starts at 3 and I was first to arrive at 3:01. After the masses trickled in we played cards and bet on the game. All sorts of weird bets, too -- like over/under on field goals, fumbles recovered, teasers. Anyway, I lost $42.50 playing blackjack, lost $40 playing poker, won $20 in the scoring grid, won $100 on the game (yay Colts and the over in a teaser!!!) and collected $33 I won from fantasy football earlier in the year. Net result.....plus $50.50. Almost good to be back at work and able to breathe.....almost.

Hello, my name is Nouveaublogger and I DON'T have a gambling problem....honest! No really! I'm okay. I swear! By the way, five weeks to Vegas!!!

Medium

When did 196 oz. become medium? Check out my CSI-inspired measuring device next to this Wendy's "medium" soda cup (they never photograph without something to scale it right? fine point Sharpy pen should do). I'm guessing the pen is about the size of a normal can. Sheesh!

Six pees, one bloated belly and three hours later and I'm only half done Dammit, I'm going to finish it! I know I can. Of course, if it was beer (and I wasn't at work) I'd be on my 4th by now, but its friggin' soda! Who needs this much soda?

When I was a kid, Big Gulp's were popular at 7-11. Remember those? They seemed huge! I think they were 24 oz. But now 7-11 have like 11 sizes to choose from, starting at about 44 oz, so apparently Wendy's feels they need to be competitive.

Then the treadmill-challenged woman at Wendy's hands it to me (with my salad, lmao) and didn't get my smart-allecky "this is medium?" comment. She answers "uh, yeah?" like everyone needs the Chinese water torture with their midday lunch. As a nation, we're all about bigger is better aren't we? Super-size fries? Sure, why not. I can always go for a 1/2 acre of deep fried potatoes? Quadruple Burger? You betcha - can you leave the hide on it too? I heard that's where the nutrients are? GMAC Hummer? Absolutely! Gas will surely go down soon anyway. But, its soda! How much do I need? Perhaps if I was at the Wendy's on the edge of the Gobi desert and I just hoofed in from the last mirage, this would be appropriate. But damn! Medium? There are two sizes bigger than this too. Large; which I would think is about the size of a milking bucket. And Super-Size; which must be the size of those plastic buckets with white rope handles that hold ice and a 1/2 barrel keg of Milwaukee's Best Light.

Good thing I got Diet Coke with ice (which is long gone). I can imagine if it was "regular" Coke (23,356 calories) I'd have to run to Boston and back to burn off all those empty calories. How about a a Mountain Dew? With that bankroll of energy and all the caffeine I'd could pogo-stick to Boston and back (those allowed in the H.O.V. lanes?).

That might make me thirsty though. Hmmmm......How about another tub-o-Coke?