Monday, March 30, 2009

Hey Lady!

So my buddy John is eating at the mall foodcourt over the weekend. After he opened his Subway sandwich, he realized he forgot a straw or something so he went back to the busy counter to retrieve one.

Upon returning to his table, he was amazed to find a 50-ish heavy set woman sitting at his table and and preparing to eat his sandwich! Or at least as he tells it.

He yelled at her asking what the hell she thought she was doing and she said something along the lines of she thought someone forgot it, insincerely apologized to him and sloughed off.

S0 then he sits down and starts to wonder how much she may have pawed it and whether he should even eat it or not at which time he notices she left a shopping bag from one of the boutiques under the table. Obviously, in her haste and/or embarrassment she left it. He could still see her re-entering the main part of the mall but was so steamed he decided against chasing her to return it.

So he friggin' kept it! I was in hysterics as he told me the tale!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

To The Point!

Looks like my little first grader is getting that reading and writing thing down pat (except for the word "when" I guess). I'm thinking, however, that charm school might be in order.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


So the guy that dinged the wife's car isn't even an authorized driver of the van. He's restricted from its use. I'm guessing its his wife's van and he as a Drunken Driving conviction or something and that's the only way she could get insurance.

Who knows? We're pissed. Their insurance is denying coverage, of course, so now we're debating suing him. Its always one thing or the other.

Monday, March 16, 2009


OCW not OCD. Since I'm an Obsessive Car Washer. I'm sure my neighbors think I'm insane. Its not at all uncommon for me to be washing the car in 38 degree weather. Furthermore, I've spent many, many lunch hours cleaning my car. Therefore, it was no big surprise to find me outside yesterday washing Mrs. Nouveau's new car (I did mine on Saturday).

And one of her fog lights is cracked. Bummer! New cars suck in that one worries so much about every little thing to happen to them. Plus, she had a new chip on the hood from a tiny rock no doubt.

After cleaning it all shiny I went inside and dropped the news about the fog light to her but secretly decided the poor woman could only take so much, so I neglected to mention the hood chip. She bummed upon my news and mentioned the hood chip which I admitted I noticed too. But then she did a curious thing: she never checked the fog light. Later in the day we used the car and she never checked it out. Perhaps she repressed the memory already.

I would have jumped up and smashed through the front door to check the damage, assess the amount of work to fix it, thrown the appropriate 4-year-old tantrum and schemed how I was going to make it all right. I'm sure I'll take care of this issue too, but if she's not urgent about it, I'm going to be.

Next, we took her car to spend the afternoon at my niece's play. It was cute and pretty well done, but definitely underlines exactly how talented young actresses such as Abigail Breslin and Dakota Fanning truly are. That's all I will say about that.

Anyway we stopped at the grocery store on the way home and upon returning to the car I noticed a door scuff/ding obviously created by the piece of shit van parked next to us. And next to us is about 6 miles across the parking lot, where I always park precisely to avoid fucking door dings from idiots! Mrs. N. saw me lick a finger and rub it. "What are you rubbing?" she asked (and that's not the first time I've heard that - ba da dum!). Man was she pissed.

She stormed back into the grocery store to page the plate number while The Little One and I waited by the car wolfing down American Cheese because we were beyond starving. The guy showed up at the van from a different store I would guess and I asked him about it and we tested his door and it lined up exactly with the scratch. After we tracked down Mrs. N. we got the insurance information and she later began an insurance claim.

He was appropriately apologetic and I'm sure we'll sort it out.

New cars. Yet another worry. We haven't even made the first payment yet!

Friday, March 13, 2009

What's In It For Me?

My sister-in-law was laid off on Wednesday. Poor thing. She owns her own home, isn't married and barely gets by. I don't think she can survive long without a paycheck. I hope she's able to recover quickly and find work so that she doesn't lose what she's worked so hard for. What sucks is when she took this job they requested she give up her own part-time business doing the same thing.

My buddy Paul was laid off right before Christmas. He may have finally found a job, but it will require a commute to New York City. That's 2 1/2 hours folks! Yikes. I suppose he'll be all right and he such a nice guy its hard not to root for him.

I've heard that a recession is when your neighbor gets laid off and a depression is when you do. I'm on firm ground I feel but I'm not as sure about my wife. Life is full of worries and crises but I'm not losing sleep over it.

Having said all that happy, cheerful news, stocks are at least up this week. That's nice. We can't progress upwards without a few days of it to start. I'm pretty confident President Obama has us on the right track and since I'm not retiring for 25 years or so, I'm buying into my retirement cheap. Or so I convince myself.

Now, about the housing bailout stuff. I live in a modest house. We qualified for a house twice as expensive as the one we got but I thought that would put too much strain on us. So we didn't opt for the jumbo mortgage or the 110% financing. We saved, bought a condo, fixed it up tremendously, sold it at a hefty profit and poured that money into our house. I like to be able to eat out when we want to, or buy a new car or have furnace problems that don't break the bank. In other words, live life and be able to handle the hardships. Or at least recover from the quickly.

Of course I work an extra job on the weekends to have extra money and be more financially sound to reduce potential worries.

I work hard. I planned ahead. I stayed within my means. And I'm surviving. Nicely, to date. But my tax dollars are going to help some (not all) people who didn't do that? Does that seem fair?

Listen, I'm as liberal as they come. I support most, if not all social programs. I'm for national healthcare and, frankly, I don't think Americans are taxed enough. But now, my tax dollars are going to be used to perhaps subsidize someone who a) makes more money than me and/or b) lives in a nicer home?

What's wrong with that picture?

Still. I'd rather be me than someone in a McMansion applying for mortgage relief.

Friday, March 6, 2009

McNugget 911

Seriously? She called 911 over Mickey D's being out of McNuggets and not offering a refund? That is classic! "Help! Police! I'm being robbed of my inalienable right to greasy deep-fried gristle! Get here fast, please! I'm starving!"

And when her first two calls weren't taken seriously, she dialed 911 a third time! Think she initially had to look up the number?

In caveman times that type of stupidity would have been washed out in the laws of natural selection and survival of the fittest so that idiots had less chance to procreate. Now, they're embarrassed on the news and TMZ. But nothing dissuades rearing more of the same. Perhaps she can mate with the genius that called the police to report his pot was stolen.

Anyone know of any shuttles off this planet? If so, sign me up, there's too many wackos here!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Kicka Whatchamacallit

Those of you in cold climes: is there a word for that hunk of ice that forms behind your tire and hugs the wheel well down the frame of the car, under the door?

Now that you have no idea what I'm talking about: do you find an uncontrollable urge to kick them off every car you see?

Hmmm..... maybe its just me then.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Blog Malaise

Most of my blog links to the left suck lately. Some clever people who just don't update enough so they may soon be banished from my link list; except for you, Radioactive Girl and you, Atomic Zebra. But the rest? Perilously close to one simple click of my "delete" button. Oh, then you'll rue my wrath! Rue it I say!

Of course, I don't update enough, either, but I'm not clever so it doesn't matter.

Anyone care to supply me with a couple blog links for me to check out? I'm too lazy to find any on my own.