I Mean, Seriously?

Predictions of 2 to 5 inches of snow today, tonight and into tomorrow have me asking:

WHAT

THE

FUCK?

It was 73 on Friday. I payed my golf club dues and golfed over the weekend. Grrrr.....

Loaded for Bear

So I'm cranking away with my snowblower yesterday afternoon easily sucking up and shooting the four inches of heavy sleet we received from storm Agatha. Little One is in her winter best frolicking off in the yard seemingly oblivious to the 14 degree temperature and 30 mph wind. Then it happens. ***CLUNK****. And nothing. Dead!

I fucking snowblowed into the Reminder Paper which in turn clogged up the snowblower and broke the belt that drives the blades. Friggin' thing was buried in the snow. Argggggghhhhhh!!!!

Not sure which, if any, expletives The Little One heard, but I'm sure I dropped no less than 25 F-Bombs!

Now, this stupid paper has been a bone of contention for me for a while. Its a free paper where people sell their car, washing machine, tag sale or whatever. Local businesses advertise tax preparation services or announcements of a new doctor at a practice, etc. I really have no use for the thing. They also have a "Speak Out" section where people bitch about stuff but I'd rather read blog bitching any day. I've even thought about requesting it not be delivered because the 40 something Rhodes Scholar in the yellow Dodge Neon drives by at, oh, 80 on my quiet little street and chucks it. Which means every week I have to clean up litter at the end of my driveway, or in my flowers or anywhere not close to my front door. And now this!!

Well, after I took the plastic cover off to find the problem and saw the broken belt I stormed inside and went online to find the phone number to call them. I mean, I was as pissed as can be which was accentuated by the fact that I couldn't find a number. Eventually I did. A pleasant lady answered the phone there and since it wasn't HER fault really, I tried not to take out my frustration on her. I did, however, explain that I was very, very angry and that I needed to speak with a supervisor. She was genuinely sympathetic and said one would call me back. "Yeah, right" I thought.

Ten minutes later he called. Surprise, surprise. My tact is usually to try to remain as calm as I can until there's a time not to be nice (again, Patrick Swayze in Road House -- "Be nice. Just be nice. Until its time to not be nice" - you didn't realize how profound that movie was, did you?). Anyway, I never got the chance to not be nice. He wouldn't give me a chance to kick some Patrick Swayze-style ass which, of course, would have made for a much better blog.

"I'm very sorry Mr. Blogger. That is the second time that's happened too. Get your snowblower fixed and remit the bill to me and I will see to it that you're reimbursed promptly. And, my next call will be to the carrier in your location".

Wow.

Mrs. Blogger thought I should have them come out and plow too, but I was pretty happy with what I got.

Hey Weatherman!

Dude! Its southern New England --

We don't need three days of forecasting for a snow dusting that my Pledge-challenged furniture would giggle at!

We don't need your "snow tonight, stay tuned for our 11pm forecast to find out how much" at 5:15 so that at 11:25 you can tell us it won't be much of a deal!

We don't need your impending doom snow teasers that excite every wheelchair license-plated, blue-head driving, look between the steering wheel and the dashboard piloted 1983 Delta 88 so much that they "dash out" to the grocery store to stock up on supplies as if we might be snow-bound until Easter. (Gramma, my car idles faster than you're driving - the "snow" is tomorrow, not today - please, please, turn your blinker off and push the rectangle on the right -- and I think new batteries, a flashlight, some knee-highs, cat food, Metamucil, 3 gallons of milk, frozen scalloped potatoes and 4 loaves of bread for your single-person dwelling is plenty to get you through this disaster)!

Lastly, Mr. Weatherman we don't need everyone who witnessed your 3 day tirade about the impending "weather" to follow your advice by exercizing "caution" while driving if caution means going 4 m.p.h. on a perfectly dry and snowless highway on which I'll soon be for 18 miles!

Again! Its southern New England. Most of us have seen much, much more snow before. Ok?

Thanks!

Having said all that --- this is to you, Mr. Yuppie SUV-driving-4x4 guy in the ditch.....4x4's don't STOP any faster than non 4X4's....they merely propel you through the snow more efficienlty....slow down next time, dickhead.