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Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Hey Weatherman!

Dude! Its southern New England --

We don't need three days of forecasting for a snow dusting that my Pledge-challenged furniture would giggle at!

We don't need your "snow tonight, stay tuned for our 11pm forecast to find out how much" at 5:15 so that at 11:25 you can tell us it won't be much of a deal!

We don't need your impending doom snow teasers that excite every wheelchair license-plated, blue-head driving, look between the steering wheel and the dashboard piloted 1983 Delta 88 so much that they "dash out" to the grocery store to stock up on supplies as if we might be snow-bound until Easter. (Gramma, my car idles faster than you're driving - the "snow" is tomorrow, not today - please, please, turn your blinker off and push the rectangle on the right -- and I think new batteries, a flashlight, some knee-highs, cat food, Metamucil, 3 gallons of milk, frozen scalloped potatoes and 4 loaves of bread for your single-person dwelling is plenty to get you through this disaster)!

Lastly, Mr. Weatherman we don't need everyone who witnessed your 3 day tirade about the impending "weather" to follow your advice by exercizing "caution" while driving if caution means going 4 m.p.h. on a perfectly dry and snowless highway on which I'll soon be for 18 miles!

Again! Its southern New England. Most of us have seen much, much more snow before. Ok?

Thanks!

Having said all that --- this is to you, Mr. Yuppie SUV-driving-4x4 guy in the ditch.....4x4's don't STOP any faster than non 4X4's....they merely propel you through the snow more efficienlty....slow down next time, dickhead.

3 kind commenters:

Katie said...

hahahahaaa. This is fantastic. Brilliant! I feel the same way about weathermen in Oklahoma. Maybe that is what they teach you in school? All the hoo-ha.

and the SUV drivers, we those here too.

NouveauBlogger said...

lol...thanks Katie....and now they're telling us all about a "system" we can expect on Friday which, of course, will be nothing

Steven said...

Hey...I drive an SUV. ;)

Steve~