Sample This

I had to....a.....ummm.....errr.....bring in a sample in to finalize my vasectomy today.

I wonder.....why did I feel compelled to tell the lady I had "help"? But then again, how does one convey to the clinic counter-person something of the sort? I kept quiet.

She asked what time I "gave" the sample. Now that seemed more funny than embarrassing. "Wellllll....it was about 7am I guess". Again, another opportunity to mention I didn't take matters into my own hands, but then does it really matter? For some reason it did matter to me though. Not sure why. Of course I didn't seriously consider mentioning the intimate details, but it sat weirdly with me. I mean, who cares what this complete stranger thinks? She's probably processed a bazillion of them anyway. But yet I cared.

Lets hope I at least pass the test.

Easy Peasey, Lemon Squeezy

So the "procedure" wherein they wall off the little swimming tadpoles that are each the spitting image of me, was incredibly easy! Easy as a drunken ex-Catholic school girl on her first bender at college. Easy.

I got a prescription for Vicodin but I never even took an aspirin. I really didn't even need to ice although I did as a precaution Friday afternoon. In fact, on Saturday I had to keep reminding myself to take it easy. That easy.

The doctor (whom the wife thought was hot, R-girl -- but then aren't they all?) was a terribly nice guy and he answered a bunch of questions about college and medical shool. I think he was a bit younger than me and we had kids the same age. He even put on some music which at least shows I was wine and dine material. Hey, if he's going to spend that much time on my junk, I deserve to be treated right, no?

Got kinda weird, though, when he said I did a "good job with the shave". Uh. Thanks. I guess. I normally keep the lower meadows well groomed, so I guess my experience paid off.

In any event, I'm pretty much 100%. A tiny, tiny bit achey, but not a big deal at all. In three months I'm supposed to bring in a sample so they can test it to make sure all the "boys" are still locked up. I feel kinda bad for those little guys all swimming like hell in a big corn maze only there's no way out, but what are you going to do?

Then I though, wouldn't it be funny to F with the sample? My friend's wife breeds dogs so, she....urrr....ummm....shall we say takes care of them? I'm not kidding. Yep, into a little sample jar. Do you think they diagnostic place would notice? I know one thing, the full-breed dog stuff is worth a hell of a lot more than mine.

Or what if the sample was full! Ewww.....3 ounces. But funny.

Okay, enough baudiness.

Dirty Stay-Out

Well, I get neutered tomorrow.

On the plus side, at least I won't be out all night roaming the streets and howling. Nor will I be dry humping everything that moves!

Ok. Maybe I'll just stay off the streets.

Nip no Tuck

I just got off the phone to schedule a vasectomy for the beginning of November. Yeef!