Ahem

You in the office near mine - its been going on for a long time. I'm sure at this point its a nervous habit since you've been doing it regularly since your first day here. But, if you continue to clear your throat ever 3-7 seconds, at times stretching it out to 5 or more seconds (arrrgchhhhh) I will tend to my last resort. I will dial 911. I will claim there is a 4-alarm fire. I will commandeer the hook and ladder truck. I will use, under full pressure the fire hose to soothe whatever "scratchyness" you are experiencing.

Please. I'm begging you. Just stop.

Or take a lozenge.

Now who's Mr. Patience?

Proper Princess?

My wife had a retirement party to go to last night. She works with her best friend so her best friend went as as well as did her husband since he works for the city too.

Is that clear? Probably not. Anyway, the result is that I watched my Little One and our friend's two little ones; a girl who's my kid's age (they're best friends) and their 2+ year old son.

Both kids are adorable and reasonably well-mannered so it was a pleasant evening in spite of the fact that they totally trashed Little One's room to the point where they were falling over stuff at every turn.

Of course the two girls, being four and a half and five, are all about princesses. Mine owns no less than 4 play outfits and each thoroughly enjoy dressing up complete with mock jewelry. Then they trade clothes and do it all over again. Its really cute and they have an absolute ball and I thrill in listening to their interaction and little princess stories. No doubt, they are totally girly-girls.

Apparently caught up in the excitement, the little boy comes to me with a Snow White dress wearing only his underwear. He wants me to help him put it on. Little One told me that he's worn princess costumes at home when she's stayed over. I guess the kid's dad is a bit bothered by it, but lets it fly.

Its a bit weird if not a big deal. I like to think I'm pretty liberal-minded. Who someone chooses to love, live with, marry or have sex with is their business. What gender someone wants to be is perfectly ok with me. Activities people do in the the privacy of their own bedroom don't phase me in the slightest. And if some dude wants to wear a dress or panties in his spare time, what do I care?

Usually if it doesn't affect the price of beer I don't really give a crap.

But.

This one bothered me a little. Maybe I feel he's small and impressionable. Maybe being a friend's child I feel a bit protective. I just didn't like the idea of him slipping on frilly dresses and ballerina tutus and whatnot. Is he merely wanting to be like big sister? Is it just play to a kid that age? I would guess so. But, could it be something "inside" the kid or something that could be guarded against to perhaps make his life easier down the road? Probably not, but who really knows?

I was a psychology major in college. I'm sure at some point we broached this and it was credited to just being a curious, fun-loving child and not subjecting himself to modern mores or societal stereotypes and inhibitions. I don't really remember though. Maybe I was hung over and missed that class.

Well, I decided to help him zip it up. It was weird and I thought he looked too feminine. However, if his parents don't really care then I shouldn't. Again, its their business.

I was, however, relieved later when he brought me his pajamas to change into. They had cool trucks all over them!

How I Spent My Thursday

I was here.

I know. Shocker.

How Much Work?

How much work actually gets done in a day?

Is that salary really indicative of how much she's done?

I'm sure she comes in when things are hectic and there is so much to get done that she can barely think straight. Everything is due yesterday and she is compelled to plow through tons and tons of actual work making for a most productive day. As a result, she knows of her potential to really tackle tasks and earn her pay, perhaps even amazing herself at how much crap she can accomplish when she puts her mind to it. She knows when stuff HAS to get done, it gets done. And the time flies. And her ego soars.

But she's worked there forever. She knows what must be done to avoid getting any shit from above just as she knows what can be put off, when she can slip in late or sneak out early. Its just a matter of knowing the system.

As a result, it more common for her to spend the first 20 minutes to an hour checking personal emails, looking up her Ebay auctions, reading the news and checking and writing blogs. After which, of course, she will get around to the work-related voice mails, emails and returned calls before diligently working until about 10:45 when the lunch plans begin. A stop at a coworkers desk is in order for some discussion about her kid, their kids, money issues, the weather, vacation, car problems, her shitty husband or to bitch about all the work she must get done. Of course that IS work. Bitching about co-workers or assignments is all work-related, no?

Anyway, that 45 minute conversation will get her really close to the dreamy break in the day; lunch. But, before that she will plod through some paperwork to reduce the guilty feeling about how little has been accomplished so far only to promptly head out at her pre-appointed lunch time and not a minute later. Perhaps sooner even.

Maybe she'll run an errand or go sit outside and read. Anything to unwind from the stress of the morning. Sometimes she'll eat at her desk and read or surf the 'net yet again. She must catch up on all the witty chain e-mails, jokes and pictures as well as formalize the plans for the weekend. Technically, her lunch is what? 30 to 45 minutes? Of course that can be stretched because six weeks ago she skipped lunch to finish an assignment. And then there was that time when she scarfed lunch down in the car between appointments. She's an expert at rationalizing it all, but in reality the she knows the score's not even. Its not even close.

Then she'll have a productive few hours after lunch until the sugar crash comes because she ate junk food. At about three she'll skip out to Dunkin' Donuts for an iced coffee pick-me-up only to return and skate through the rest of the day on personal phone calls, online shopping and more interoffice bitching. Oh, and she'll double-check for comments on her blog. Or triple check. Then she'll slip out ten minutes early. Or if the boss already left for the day, 20 minutes early. Again, rationalized by that time in March when she had to come in early. Twice!

Its all good though. She's quick to point out to herself that Thursday, three weeks ago when the boss called her at 6pm to ask a quick question. How about the the time she actually solved a work-related issue while in the shower at home? On HER time. They owe her. Doesn't that make it even? Is it though? Is it really?

How much work actually gets done in a day?

Question:

Do readers click hyperlinks? Should I even bother with them? I think its good for more information and so I don't have to get too wordy about a subject, but I won't bother if they aren't clicked (unless its a reference). Be honest. It won't hurt my feelings.

Light Bloggin'

I haven't been blogging as much lately or commenting for a myriad of reasons. Mostly, last week daycare was closed, so I took a semi-working vacation to watch the Little One. Semi-working in that I worked 6 hours on Monday while my mother-in-law watched her, taking her in on Tuesday and Thursday for a few hours and coming in after hours on Thursday. All-in-all it mostly felt like a week off from work and I got to spend quality time with my Little One in daddy/daughter mode as Mrs. B. worked a full week (she was recently promoted so time off was out of the question.).

Monday when I finally picked her up we spent some additional time with Grandma as I love my in-laws company and the Little One wasn't ready to leave. Then we went out for hot dogs at a cool place by the river. I swear that little kid would eat hot dogs every single day if she could.
Perhaps there's some competitive eating in her future. Did you notice how many records I posted below are held by a woman? Nothing like a chick that can really throw down the chow.

Tuesday we came into the office for a bit and then we went to Lake Compounce Amusement Park. I haven't been there since I was a kid and its grown tremendously. Now advertised as a family amusement park it lives up to it well. Not all that expensive and kids of 40", her height, can go on most but the hairiest of rides as long as they're with a parent. Plus, free soda everywhere! She loved it and we got totally soaked at the end after the log flume ride and rapid river rides. We both vowed to take Mrs. B. there real soon. Its cool to have a kid that has no fears of rides or exciting things like that because both Mrs. B and I love that stuff. I could do without too much spinning though. Urp!!!

Wednesday, the fourth, after I golfed in the morning at a beautiful new course in state, we all went to a party at some friend's newly purchased house. It has a pool, a trampoline, volleyball. firepits, outdoor card table, etc. Pretty cool but again it was chilly out so we didn't swim and soon it was raining so we mostly hung out inside. Good time in any event.

Thursday, I again came into the office with her for a bit. However, some of the things I needed to get done were offset by a scheduling change so I had more time and we decided to head for the beach. It was not the warmest of days but the sun was out. After a Wal*Mart trip for suits, sunscreen, a towel and a toy truck we were off. My unpreparedness was because we originally had no plans for the beach and I didn't want to go home because that would been an hour out of our way. Her bathing suits are getting too small anyway and the new Nemo one is a hit!

Creepy thing at the beach, however. It was nearly deserted as it was cool and the sun wasn't staying out. However, a 60-ish guy came down the path with a cooler and chair and sat not too far away from us for about 10 minutes. Then he grabbed his stuff and went down the beach 500 yards or so. I thought maybe he didn't want a kid near him. Possibly. But! He set the cooler up on one side and the chair, now covered in a towel, on the other and he lay down between them. Best case scenario he was shielding himself from the wind which wasn't that heavy or maybe nude sunbathing? Worse case......ugh! I don't want to think about it. A couple young ladies did stop and were talking to him at one point. Looked weird. He hitched his pants a lot when I finally got up too. Creepy.

Anyway, we had fun and afterwards stopped for some seafood for dinner. I'm not sure why seafood is more predominant at the Connecticut coast than inland but I'm pretty sure none of the menu items are harvested locally. The first few bites were good, but it was all fried and that stuff makes me feel blech very shortly. Little One had an ice cream sandwich for dinner.

Either I'm a cool dad (her words) or a crappy one (ice cream for dinner?) but I figure its her vacation too so I allowed it. She ate a bit of fried calamari too. "Hey, I like this!"

After I worked a bit on Thursday night I came home to find Mrs. B's car wouldn't start. Since it wasn't the battery I told her I would take care of getting it towed in for service on Friday and she could take my car to work. It didn't start when I tried it first thing Friday either. However, Triple A shows up for the tow and, of course, it started up like there was never a problem. I'm like, "what the fuck?" Unbelievable. Anyway, he left and I drove it down to be checked anyway and the Little One and I walked the mile home. They couldn't find anything wrong, of course, but cleaned the battery terminal. Somehow, I just KNOW that isn't it.

Anyway, I spent the rest of the day installing a new outside door to my backyard as the Little One "helped". Then when storms moved in we went inside for kid movies which meant I read. That night was poker night and I was done in an hour. Crap! Lost big time on Ace/King. Oh well.

Saturday, we all went to one of those "catch-all" birthday parties for like 5 of Mrs. B's relatives that have summer birthdays. It was nice if not terribly eventful.

I played 27 with some buddies on Sunday.

Relatively uneventful vacation but nice to just kind of wing it without formal plans.

We're planning a bash of our own this Saturday since we usually have a summer party. Hopefully, I'll get some blogging material from that.

Competitive Eating

It seems like the latest spectator sport to catch on is competitive eating. No doubt you've heard or seen the annual 4th of July hot dog eating contests wherein this year Joey Chestnut upset the perenniel winner by downing 66 hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes while setting the new record.

I don't think after that I could ever eat another hot dog after such an endeavor, but in honor of that amazing accomplishment I thought I would look up a few other competitive eating records.
Here's a few interesting ones.

• 16-inch pizza: 19 slices in 10 minutes (Patrick Bertoletti)
• Birthday Cake: 5 pounds in 11:26 (Richard LeFevre)
• Burritos: 15 burritos in 8 minutes (Eric Booker)
• Butter: 7 quarter-pound sticks (salted) in 5 minutes (Don Lerman)
• Cheesecake: 11 pounds in 9 minutes (Sonya Thomas)
• Chicken Nuggets: 80 in 5 minutes (Sonya Thomas)
• Chicken Wings: 182 in 30 minutes (Joey Chestnut)
• Doughnuts: 49 (glazed) in 8 minutes (Eric Booker)
• Eggs: 65 (hard boiled) in 6:40 (Sonya Thomas)
• Hamburgers: 7 (3/4 pounders) in 10 minutes (Sonya Thomas)
• Ice Cream: 1.75 gallons (vanilla) in 8 minutes (Patrick Bertoletti)
• Mayonnaise: 1 gallon in 8 minutes (Oleg Zhornitskiy)
• Sweet Corn: 34.75 ears in 12 minutes (Crazy Legs Conti)
• Watermelon: 13.22 pounds in 15 minutes (Jim Reeves)
• Whole Turkey: 4.8 pounds in 18 minutes (Patrick Bertoletti)

Hmmmm.....lunch time yet?

Reference this site for MORE.