PPT

We had our first parent-parent-teacher conference last week to review the status of our Little One's first 3 months of school.

Our bright, precocious, hilarious, beautiful, clever, loving, stubborn, independent and fun little girl was not "all-that-and-a-bag-of-chips" to her teacher. We were rather taken aback. Her teacher admitted at the onset that TLO had a difficult week and was even a little sassy. Sassyness is something we see, of course, but never before heard expressed by someone of authority. Plus, her marks were all "at level" on most counts and "below level" on a couple. I, for one, was a bit surprised. I always envisioned any child of mine to be at the upper levels of anything she does being that the Mrs. and I are intelligient as well as diligent with our daughter's progress. I'm not majorly concerned but it is pause for thought at this particular time.

We didn't send her to the town's kindergarten, instead electing to send her to private kindergarten that touts accreditation and through-the-roof praise from all we encountered. There were signs last year (noticed by Mrs. Nouveau) that things weren't pushed as hard as we would have liked. Unfortunately, that left our Little One a bit behind. She entered first grade below the other kids and while making remarkable progress to catch up, isn't quite up to speed yet.

In addition, The Little One struggles to focus. Frequently, easy tasks that should take her mere minutes find her mind wandering off or her eyes and hands being drawn to something else often resulting in mild discipline to get her back on track or at the least a war of will. At school it creates unfinished work which we help her finish at home later on since her teacher will not "babysit" TLO to get the work done, instead electing to have the children independently finish their work. I agree with that method, especially given the fact she has 18 other students at various levels to tend to although it makes for some lengthy nights at the homework table (its actually a bar - is that bad?).

While her lack of focus its not necessarily a disability, it is very frustrating for all concerned and sadly results in so much less time for her to do kid things as she spends over an hour finishing up school based "work stations" before tackling her normally assigned homework as well as her extra reading program work. She's in first grade for crying out loud! I don't remember doing that much work.

Attention Deficit Disorder has been mentioned and her pediatrician feels any and all testing for any services she may require are best handled immediately. Her teacher, however, feels that its still too early and that we simply need a bit more time. My wife agrees with the Pediatrician so we are progressing with the tests (which the teacher needs to assist with) and I feel the teacher feels a bit offended. Perhaps because we're not taking her advice. TLO doesn't exhibit clear-cut signs of ADD though and I think if medication is mentioned we will have to think long and hard about that option. Medicating kids, to me, seems a modern way of being a lazy parent in certain cases. I would just assume handle things without any type of medication unless absolutely necessary. But I'm jumping way ahead at this point. We'll see.

At the beginning of the conference, I asked a few relatively simple questions, or so I thought. The teacher really didn't understand what I was getting at and chose to take a route wherein she interpreted my questions as questioning her. Nothing was further from the truth and in actuality I was seeking ways we could better assist the teacher and my child. She didn't hear me, so again, she came across as mildly offended and offered up a 10 minute, convoluted answer that didn't clearly answer my concerns. TLO has workstations and she brings home unfinished ones. I only wanted to know how often they did the stations. I basically got my answer, so I let it go.

The teacher is a nice lady. I sincerely believe she is doing all she can for our child with her best interests at heart. The mere fact that we don't take her advice 100% of the time in no way impugns her or reflects on our confidence of her as a teacher. It just means we differ on how to proceed. My wife is an administrator in a huge, city-wide day-care system and has also had extensive time in the classroom and I feel that makes her opinions every bit as viable as the first grade teacher's. Furthermore, my wife is one who will always, always, err on the side of caution.

As parents, we are very attentive to TLO's studies and place a premium on her being the best student she can be. At the same time, kids should have time to be kids and by the time we get settled in from school, have a snack, do homework and eat dinner, in addition to her hockey and gymnastics nights her time gets quite pinched during the week.

We are also not "not my kid" type parents. We don't blame others for her issues. If she's acted out, its not her peers fault and if she isn't already up to speed in school its not her teacher's fault. TLO is held accountable for her actions and we, as a family, will all work together to see she can be the best she can be.

Please note: my child has made utterly remarkable strides in three months of school in terms of her reading, writing and math skills. Remarkable strides. She's closing the gap on her peers and I think her teacher is seeing that as am I. But we want to have the some tests done anyway. Hell we pay plenty of taxes. If there's a program out there that will benefit her in the long term, we wish to take advantage of it as soon as possible. Any and all learning disabilities are best solved when tackled early. If there are no issues whatsover (which I think will be the case, actually) then there's no harm, no foul. Right?

Anyway, after the conference and before we got TLO from her after-school program Mrs. N and I talked in the hallway for a good long time and Mrs. N had tears in her eyes. She says all the focus issues TLO has my wife had as a child and she still has them. She says she frequently felt confused and "out of the loop" as a child due to it and hates the thought of our Little One growing up and feeling the same way she did all the time. That said, TLO has an incredible ability to seemingly not pay attention to something then know all the particular details of it afterwards even if it appeared she was up to something else. Its an uncanny multi-taskability.

My thoughts? It could be a LOT worse. My wife is 2 courses short of her Master's in Early Childhood Education. She's a respected administrator and loved by all that know her. She's smart and funny and pretty and the MOST empathetic and compassionate person I've ever known.

If my daughter grows up to be the woman her mother is, then we did one hell of a job. And I told my wife that too.