Tag I'm It

Katie tagged me on an "8 Random Things About Me" dealie-O.

I decided to make some of them more "Nouveau-isms" than about me, per se. That way I can practically hear you all "wow, he's so full of shit" or whatever.

Anyway, here goes --

1) I drive a Chrysler 300M. I love my car and I have always been one to take care of whatever vehicle I own. I wash it weekly and I like accessorizing it with GPS, radar and a top-line sound system. I'm all about gadgets I guess.

But, I don't get the whole "buy a $6,000 car and put $13,000 worth of options" thing. If I want nice rims or a fast car, I'll buy a car with nice rims or buy a fast car rather than put all the work and money into one to make it so. When you're done, the car is worth $7,500. Seems silly. Even more silly, though are the 4 foot aerodynamic wings on the trunk. I imagine this is popular everhwere, but looks stupid on a 4-cylinder car with a 90 MPH top speed. The wing comes into effect at what? 125???

Anyway, I think the type of car a person drives says a lot about them at the time they purchased it. I remember wanting something fast but practical with all the optional bells and whistles.

Am I materialistic? I sure can be.

What do you drive?

2) Along the lines of materialism, I feel badly for people that judge others by what they "have". (Is this directly the opposite of what I mentioned in 1?) The mere fact that someone has a nicer home, cooler car, a great job in NO WAY makes them better than someone less fortunate (or materialistic for that matter). This, to me, is ESPECIALLY true relating to people born into money or one who marries it.

You mean to tell me you're more important than others because you MARRIED a successful neurosurgeon? I don't think so, Barbie. Its probably nothing more than you are hot -- or at least were! So, take your 7-inch fingernails, your spray-on tan, your panty-line gouged capri pants and climb back into your Lexus SUV and move along! You look silly bitching at the cashier in Linens and Things because they are out of mauve hand towels!

3) Speaking MORE or money, I don't think it in any way makes one happy. In fact, it seems to me that when someone becomes rich (think athlete, musician, celebrity) it causes them to realize their level of unhappiness.

Perhaps all their life, they were unhappy and thought that if only they could become rich and famous things would be better. Yet, when they attain that very wealth and fame, they see that fame is imprisoning and wealth only relieves ONE issue in their life; how to pay the bills and buy shit. How else to explain all the angry, successful musicians (Scott Stapp anyone?), the overdoses (John Belushi ring a bell?) or alcoholism and brushes with the law (Colin Farrel?)?

Of course, it eases one of life's main worries and I wouldn't say no to more and more of it. But I don't see how it would make me more happy.

4) HA HA HA Paris Hilton. You stupid little tramp. Do your 45 days and shut up! Stop trying to whine yourself out of jail after you totally showed NO respect for the law nor the judge with your future in his power. Plus, its a breather for the rest of us there will be no new stupid comments, grainy porn or horrible songs. For 45 days at least. And, shame on your parents for raising you to turn out this way. You epitomizes my points 1, 2 and 3 above.

Wait, that's not really a random thing about me, is it? Ok....ummmm......I think a little jail time will be great. Not for Paris. She won't learn a damn thing. But the rest of us gain, no?

5) I LOVE golf so much that it hurts at times. I look forward to playing every weekend but it HURTS to play so shitty at times. I practice hard but I really, really, need to work on keeping it fun even when I suck. My disposition out there gets in the way of my success at times.

How many "things" is that? Five??? Shit....three to go......ummmm.....

6) I am the fourth of 6 boys. No sisters. Both my parents are still alive and I was fortunate to know ALL my grandparents into my teens. My maternal grandparents lived in an apartment in our house for a few years and my paternal grandparents and my great uncle lived next door to me all my life. I was able to visit with them in some capacity nearly every day of my young life.

My great uncle, who was my father's uncle, was a crotchety old pain in the ass. Yet I was always over there watching him tinker with small engines or gardening or fixing household stuff. My mom was sure to declare that "we" (meaning me) keep family business to ourselves as he was always nosing into our stuff. Perhaps I was his little "inside man" and I know at times I divulged more than my extremely private mom would like.

Furthermore, he had "issues" with a number of others in my family that I laugh about now. However, he was always quick to find a chore for me to do and overpay me drastically when he thought I needed a few bucks. For instance, right before a vacation one time, he asked me to put in a window air conditioner for him (which he could easily do himself) and paid me $20 (1978 dollars) for the job. I always thought he was pretty cool when it came to that but I understood and saw his shortcomings.

7) My mother has terminal cancer. She's staying strong but I fear she won't make it until next year. They are out of treatment options. It sucks! I can't imagine her not being around.

Ok, enough heaviness ---

8) I have a little dog. He is part Chihuahua and part Pitbull. Yeah, good mix, eh? For your information, the mother was the Pit.

He only weighs about 18 pounds.

Years ago, a security guard my wife worked with had stopped someone from throwing him in the dumpster as a 4 week old puppy. His mother had died and they didn't want to bottle feed him so they decided to discard him.

I'd love a few moments alone with that pathetic fucking asshole. How the HELL can someone throw a cute little puppy in a dumpster?

Anyway, the security guard couldn't keep him so my wife offered to "watch" him until we found him a home. She called me at work with that in mind and my response was "why don't we just take him and keep him?-- you know we'll both fall in love with him and that will be the end result anyway". So we got ourselves a dog that neither of us had ever even seen.

He was smaller than the palm of my hand and weighed about 2 pounds then. We bottle fed him for a few weeks and got him all his shots and fixed him and all that stuff. He'll be 10 years old in a few weeks and while he's a royal pain in the ass we still love him just the same.

Ummm....that concludes this test of the emergency broadcast system. If this had been an actual emergency and if I knew 8 people in blogspace that Katie didn't already tag (I don't) I'd tag them, but........