Family!

Yesterday, we hosted a get-together for our son's 1st birthday. It was around 24 people or so and I enjoy hosting, usually.

But let me tell you about my brother's family: yeah the one that ran out of food on Thanksgiving! His wife and his 22-year old son are just friggin' weird. There's no nice way to put it. The kid does not in the slightest grasp social nuances or graces. And his mother's semi-superior attitude has worn me to the bone.

Of course, this is after a history of "issues" with them, so as I tell this tale, bear in mind its not the first such thing.

What was originally an outdoor party became an indoor one because it got cool outside. Lasagna was the main meal and there was a lot of it so it was taking a bit longer to re-heat than expected. The masses were hungry, so I couldn't blame them for being a bit anxious to eat. However, the family I mentioned above all camped out in my 9 x 14 kitchen, getting completely underfoot and doing nothing to expedite things. When the lasagna was close, we set out bread and salad, etc. on the "buffet" table in the adjoining dining room. The son, who now has a girlfriend - how he has one is a mystery of the universe - and said girlfriend start to serve themselves. I mention, "dinner's not quite ready, you guys might want to hold off just now."

"No, we're okay." was his response and they continued to serve themselves and sit down and eat! In normal society, my statement really means "dinner is not ready, please don't start in yet" does it not? But they don't take the clue and his mom comes over and starts helping herself next! What's the proper way to tell people to stop fucking eating! My mom would do it and it would come across as rude. So we said nothing.

Dinner is finally served maybe 20 minutes later and guess who the first three persons were in line? And they ALL grabbed more bread and salad. I mean, really? Really? We had enough food - but not by too much - we expected 17. Mind you, anything that family does frustrates me and I dont' suffer fools well but I bit my tongue. I had no idea until this morning how pissed off the nearly unflappabel Mrs. Nouveau was either.

A little later, my wife asks the mom, out sister in law, if she can get her anything to drink.

"What do you have?" is the response.

My wife responded, "Well, we have beer, all different sorts of wine, margaritas, most mixed drinks, coke, diet coke, root beer, orange soda, lemonade and bottled water." Now, in text I can't do the impression my wife does of my sister-in-law, but think of the whiniest voice you can when you read she answered, "Hmmmm, well, ummmmmm......I don't really want any of that.....I guess just a water then." She seemed completely disappointed.

Unbelievable! I ask this, gentle reader and answer honestly. What is NOT on that list that any reasonable party-goer would expect to be offered? Clamato? Prune juice? Moxie? Seriously, if you're tastes are so off the beaten path for refreshments perhaps you should really bring your own. Am I wrong. Everyone else seemed to find something acceptable.

I am pretty much best friends with my brother so I really try not to say anything, but his family drives me bonkers! In fact, drives everyone bonkers.

Un-Friendly

My mom has taken to commenting on Facebook posts. Now I don't post much, but sometimes something sweet and short will strike my fancy and I'll post it. God knows why, though. So, my mom corrected my grammar in one, then, totally didn't get the joke that I was making.

I didn't have the energy to explain the joke, but I commented back that if we're going to start correcting spelling and grammar in Facebook, we're in for the long haul. Among others, my wife's cousin has YET to spell a word correctly. And don't even get me started on her grammar.....

So I promised my mom I'd do better and she said "thanks honey". Oh brother

Speaking of brother, my brother made a politically incorrect comment. He called himself a 'tard in one of his posts. My mom called him out on that by pointing out how non-PC that was. Unfortunately, he's not one to pick and choose battles. He always has to get into it with her.

I'm not quite sure my mom gets Facebook. Frankly, neither do I but in a different way.

Should we "unfriend" her? Nah, the ramifications of that would be too severe.

Was I Wrong?

I've mentioned how I have a Facebook account but I'm not really into it. I check up on it twice a week or so to see if anything interesting has been posted but usually I find nothing has. Of course, I rarely post anything.

But yesterday, I thought I'd post the cutest picture of my 6-month-old son. I mean, "stop-you-in-your-tracks" cute! He's in a friggin suit and tie and looks like a Senator! Its great! But less than 15 mintues after posting it my sister-in-law (who claims she's not on Facebook much but most certainly is) posted the picture was on her page and used the exact same comment I had about the picture; "Ready for my first job interview" or something like that.

There was no sinister agenda on her part for sure, but I was kind of miffed. I only have like 25 Facebook friends and she's friends with most of them! I felt some of my thunder was stolen. One posts for comments right? Now if everybody sees it on her page first ---

I sent her a text about "stealing my post" and she kind of challenged me about it which irked me more to a level than miffed. After a slow to come around apology, that seemed insincere, she asked me why it bugged me. Well, perhaps I sound immature but it was my post of my kid on my page of my picture.

Today I've softened my stance and sort of wish I didn't say anything. I know she loves it and wants her friends (who aren't mine) to see it too, but am I asking too much that she not post it moments after I do? She could put the picture in her folder and I wouldn't care or even if she posted it a day later. I just wanted to revel in the comments at least for a bit.

But the main reason I have second thoughts is I received comments and she didn't. Now it seems as if I made a big deal of nothing. It wasn't that big a deal. I probably should have kept my mouth shut.

Lessons Learned

Speaking of 15.......

When I was 15 I made a new friend. Jim. He was a terrifically funny and gregarious guy whom I met during Freshman high school soccer practice. I'm always a bit shy at first around new people yet he had a very easy way with them, and me. We became fast friends and quickly became inseparable. Together we thought we were the two funniest people ever and I still laugh about some of the things we did. (He was my partner in crime for this episode).

He was however, extremely moody and some days he could be downright mean to me. Plus, he would blow off plans and not return calls and it all started to get real old after a few years, so I began distancing myself from him before we went off to separate colleges. We still have mutual friends and we talked a few times in the '90s but we've grown apart. Other friends of his and mine have expressed the same frustration with him that I experienced so I was assured it wasn't "just me". He was just tough to be friends with even though he could be an absolute blast at times!

I learned something valuable from him shortly after meeting him, though. I learned generosity. At 15, 16 or 17 I remember going out with him to do something and he would treat. Or, he'd show up at my house bearing something to give me. Perhaps it was a sweatshirt he had that was cool, or he might buy me a music cassette. This was new ground to me. I never treated a friend to anything or showed up with a gift for no reason. Frankly, it hadn't occurred to me.

I feel I'm a generous person to this day as a result of knowing him. I'm apt to put money in the box at the register give a few bucks to someone down and out on the street. I'll treat friends to drinks or pay more than my share for a meal. Over the weekend when I went to the Jets game, I volunteered to drive and refused my buddy's help to pay for gas or tolls. Its just kind of how I've become, maybe to a fault.

I don't think that was in my nature, though. I think it was a learned thing and I appreciated being on the receiving end so I sort of adopted it as my own. It suits me fine, in any event.

In college I made another set of new friends that I have to this day. I learned a lot from my new friend John at that time . I think of him as a brother and know with every ounce of my being that there is nothing he wouldn't do for me if I asked. As a result, I would do anything for him if he asked. And he's asked. I've lent him significant money for a down payment on a truck when he hurting for a vehicle and needed one for a new job. I knew with him, friends and family always come first, and he'd do everything in his power to pay me back. Not for a second did I ever worry about not being paid back and he asked I would have forgiven the debt. But I also knew he would never ask.

John was the first friend (only one, I guess) to say "I love you" to me. It wasn't wasn't some drunken joke about being my butt-buddy or anything along those lines (although we've joked plenty about such things). It was direct and it was sincere and it opened my eyes as a 21-year-old-know-it-all such as myself. I had no problem saying it back to him in the sincerity with which he said it.

I noticed he never had a conversation with a member of his family without saying he loved them. Shortly before I met him, his father used John's social security number for some business and John ended up with a $6000 tax bill when his dad got sick. John paid it and never held a grudge against his dad even though his dad was obviously taking advantage of him for whatever reason. "He's my father" was his response when I said mentioned how screwed he got. I think that's way out of bounds and I could never go that far, but that was John.

Having said that, to a lesser degree than the last example, I learned an openness with my own brothers and family and friends for that matter. Maybe its just the way it is in other people's lives but it was something I had to learn. Its a lesson and a gift that he gave me that I'm not sure I would have learned if I never knew him.

Easter Plans

I've mentioned in prior posts that I adore my wife's family. I've also mentioned that my wife's sister's husband M absolutely drives me bonkers. He's petty, insecure, loud, inappropriate and he usually drinks too much.

He tries really hard to be liked. Too hard. But he's awkward socially and when he drinks he gets unbelievably loud and conversationally domineering. Yesterday, Easter, was no exception.

Normally, I pretty much keep my distance lest I be caught rolling my eyes as I witness his wife do all-too-frequently. Furthermore, I don't wish to say some extremely innocent thing and have him totally misinterpret it and get all offended. We joke. We tease. Its all in good fun except to him. He never seems to get it.

All in all, the day was rather enjoyable. Towards the end a group of guys were chatting and the topic of visiting Uncle H's cabin in upstate New York came up. It sounded intriguing but I remained mum. They had three days in April picked out and were positive all of us were going to have an absolute blast even though only two of the five sounded like they were committed to it. M being one of them, of course.

Sadly, I didn't even have to think about it for two seconds. Except M, those in on the conversation are great and I know I'd have a good time and enjoy their company. But, if I can barely take M for 5 hours on Easter, there's no way I could tolerate him for 3 days plus. Also, could easily see two of the other four not going as well.

I wasn't directly asked so I didn't have to get out of it thinking it might blow over. Finally, about a half hour before I was to leave I was asked what I thought about the plan. They know I can always get work time off if I need it so that excuse wouldn't pan out well. So I mentioned my wife's work location change and difficulties getting The Little One from daycare and all that goes with that. A legitimate reason, but something I could probably work through if I was totally into going. As I explained that part of my reason for not going, my other sister in law chimed in with how she could help out with the Little One.

NOT the help I needed.

I leaned over behind my wife's back at the dining room table and mouthed to her, "No, thanks". She understood.

Its a shame it can't work out. The trip sounds fun on one level, but M would be insufferable. I really want to like himbut I just can't and I don't think many in the family see it differently than me.

Great News

I haven't gone into too much detail about it in blogspace, but I've touched on the fact that my mom has terminal cancer. Basically it is everywhere in her body, but the most debilitating part is it is in/on her spine. The diseased cells weaken the bone to the point where she has tiny cracks in the vertebra which could turn into breaks or worse, paralysis, should she fall or get hit by something. Obviously, she's living a careful existence but still living her life to the fullest her health will allow.

Her latest scans show the bones are actually stronger than they were during her last scan only a few months ago. Consequently, she called over the weekend to announce that she is feeling so much better lately that she will travel to stay with me for Christmas! Of course, she acts like its such a burden on us and it can be tedious convincing her that its our pleasure to have them. So, my parents will be down from Saturday through Christmas unless something unforeseen changes things.

Two years ago I wondered if that might be her last Christmas with us. Then last year I wondered it again. Perhaps I should stop wondering. She's too much of a fighter.

Can't wait until Saturday, mom. We all love you and my baby girl is overjoyed to see her Grammy and Grampa!

Oh no, she ditn't!!

Holy crap! Is anybody even reading me anymore? Oh well, I'll post to amuse myself so that in 8 months when I look back I can send "LOL" comments to myself.

I have another story since that seems that's how my blog has evolved and perhaps its why my viewings are so low. At least I get a lot of hits from the words "men's thong" and others of that ilk, including the movie quotes I posted awhile ago, but those never leave comments or participate in other ways.

Anyway, this story is from maybe 5 years ago and I'm not sure it will work so well in text but since I've told it a million times in person, with all the proper inflections, my audience has always enjoyed it. Perhaps you will to.

Many in my family were up visiting my parents for Christmas. As per usual we ended up playing board games together and at one point we were playing a game where one has to give clues but cannot say certain words and others have to guess the words. I'm not a huge board game guy, but I think it was Scattergories.

Anyway, it was my brother's turn. He was sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch and my wife was sitting on that couch with her knees right beside his head. He looked at the card and muttered, "This is going to be bad". He looked me square in the eye and then pointed between Mrs. B's jeans-clad legs. I quickly said, "Box" and we got the game point.

My then 65 year old mother looked incredulous. "What? How did you get that word? Ohhhh....a box? I never heard it called a box. A TWAT, yes, but not a BOX."

We nearly died laughing red-faced. Not only was my was sweet, petite mom saying "twat" in our presence, but the emphasis she put on the word was at the same time unsettling and hysterical.

4 to 3

I played softball back-to-back nights on my gimpy knee and my primary team played quite well in the playoffs after a less than stellar regular season. My other team begins the playoffs tomorrow night, but since I'm so new there I don't feel the bond I have with my "main" team. And I don't think I ever will.

But, it came to an end last night in a 4 to 3 loss. That is an incredibly low score for two reasonably talented teams, especially if our 13.8 runs per game average is taken into account. We played pretty good defense but lost to a younger, stronger, faster and, to be frank, better team. No shame in that. We went down fighting but were left in the field as they scored the winning run in the bottom of the seventh.

I get a bit sad when softball ends. April of next year seems so, so far away and since I'm 40 now the number of seasons left in me are finite. I've known most these guys for 15 to 20 years but our bond is primarily softball. We all have families and work and other commitments so I only see about 3 or 4 of them socially for a round of golf or something.

Even with my bad knee for the past 5 weeks or so, I only missed the one game after I had it drained and played when I perhaps shouldn't have. There's a certain camaraderie in the trenches of softball and I never want to be the guy to let my team down. But we lost. I could have played better too.

Aside from that, though, every year as I leave that park that last night in defeat, it hits me how much I'll miss the competition. How I'll miss the dirt, the smell of the grass, the badgering, the insults, the sweat, the action, the lights, the ping of a bat, the snap of a glove, the post-game beers, the stories, the bullshit and Sox games on the radio.

Its more than the game to us. Its about "the guys". We fight. We bicker. But in the end, we're a team. Not much unlike family.

I'll miss the guys.

Tag I'm It

Katie tagged me on an "8 Random Things About Me" dealie-O.

I decided to make some of them more "Nouveau-isms" than about me, per se. That way I can practically hear you all "wow, he's so full of shit" or whatever.

Anyway, here goes --

1) I drive a Chrysler 300M. I love my car and I have always been one to take care of whatever vehicle I own. I wash it weekly and I like accessorizing it with GPS, radar and a top-line sound system. I'm all about gadgets I guess.

But, I don't get the whole "buy a $6,000 car and put $13,000 worth of options" thing. If I want nice rims or a fast car, I'll buy a car with nice rims or buy a fast car rather than put all the work and money into one to make it so. When you're done, the car is worth $7,500. Seems silly. Even more silly, though are the 4 foot aerodynamic wings on the trunk. I imagine this is popular everhwere, but looks stupid on a 4-cylinder car with a 90 MPH top speed. The wing comes into effect at what? 125???

Anyway, I think the type of car a person drives says a lot about them at the time they purchased it. I remember wanting something fast but practical with all the optional bells and whistles.

Am I materialistic? I sure can be.

What do you drive?

2) Along the lines of materialism, I feel badly for people that judge others by what they "have". (Is this directly the opposite of what I mentioned in 1?) The mere fact that someone has a nicer home, cooler car, a great job in NO WAY makes them better than someone less fortunate (or materialistic for that matter). This, to me, is ESPECIALLY true relating to people born into money or one who marries it.

You mean to tell me you're more important than others because you MARRIED a successful neurosurgeon? I don't think so, Barbie. Its probably nothing more than you are hot -- or at least were! So, take your 7-inch fingernails, your spray-on tan, your panty-line gouged capri pants and climb back into your Lexus SUV and move along! You look silly bitching at the cashier in Linens and Things because they are out of mauve hand towels!

3) Speaking MORE or money, I don't think it in any way makes one happy. In fact, it seems to me that when someone becomes rich (think athlete, musician, celebrity) it causes them to realize their level of unhappiness.

Perhaps all their life, they were unhappy and thought that if only they could become rich and famous things would be better. Yet, when they attain that very wealth and fame, they see that fame is imprisoning and wealth only relieves ONE issue in their life; how to pay the bills and buy shit. How else to explain all the angry, successful musicians (Scott Stapp anyone?), the overdoses (John Belushi ring a bell?) or alcoholism and brushes with the law (Colin Farrel?)?

Of course, it eases one of life's main worries and I wouldn't say no to more and more of it. But I don't see how it would make me more happy.

4) HA HA HA Paris Hilton. You stupid little tramp. Do your 45 days and shut up! Stop trying to whine yourself out of jail after you totally showed NO respect for the law nor the judge with your future in his power. Plus, its a breather for the rest of us there will be no new stupid comments, grainy porn or horrible songs. For 45 days at least. And, shame on your parents for raising you to turn out this way. You epitomizes my points 1, 2 and 3 above.

Wait, that's not really a random thing about me, is it? Ok....ummmm......I think a little jail time will be great. Not for Paris. She won't learn a damn thing. But the rest of us gain, no?

5) I LOVE golf so much that it hurts at times. I look forward to playing every weekend but it HURTS to play so shitty at times. I practice hard but I really, really, need to work on keeping it fun even when I suck. My disposition out there gets in the way of my success at times.

How many "things" is that? Five??? Shit....three to go......ummmm.....

6) I am the fourth of 6 boys. No sisters. Both my parents are still alive and I was fortunate to know ALL my grandparents into my teens. My maternal grandparents lived in an apartment in our house for a few years and my paternal grandparents and my great uncle lived next door to me all my life. I was able to visit with them in some capacity nearly every day of my young life.

My great uncle, who was my father's uncle, was a crotchety old pain in the ass. Yet I was always over there watching him tinker with small engines or gardening or fixing household stuff. My mom was sure to declare that "we" (meaning me) keep family business to ourselves as he was always nosing into our stuff. Perhaps I was his little "inside man" and I know at times I divulged more than my extremely private mom would like.

Furthermore, he had "issues" with a number of others in my family that I laugh about now. However, he was always quick to find a chore for me to do and overpay me drastically when he thought I needed a few bucks. For instance, right before a vacation one time, he asked me to put in a window air conditioner for him (which he could easily do himself) and paid me $20 (1978 dollars) for the job. I always thought he was pretty cool when it came to that but I understood and saw his shortcomings.

7) My mother has terminal cancer. She's staying strong but I fear she won't make it until next year. They are out of treatment options. It sucks! I can't imagine her not being around.

Ok, enough heaviness ---

8) I have a little dog. He is part Chihuahua and part Pitbull. Yeah, good mix, eh? For your information, the mother was the Pit.

He only weighs about 18 pounds.

Years ago, a security guard my wife worked with had stopped someone from throwing him in the dumpster as a 4 week old puppy. His mother had died and they didn't want to bottle feed him so they decided to discard him.

I'd love a few moments alone with that pathetic fucking asshole. How the HELL can someone throw a cute little puppy in a dumpster?

Anyway, the security guard couldn't keep him so my wife offered to "watch" him until we found him a home. She called me at work with that in mind and my response was "why don't we just take him and keep him?-- you know we'll both fall in love with him and that will be the end result anyway". So we got ourselves a dog that neither of us had ever even seen.

He was smaller than the palm of my hand and weighed about 2 pounds then. We bottle fed him for a few weeks and got him all his shots and fixed him and all that stuff. He'll be 10 years old in a few weeks and while he's a royal pain in the ass we still love him just the same.

Ummm....that concludes this test of the emergency broadcast system. If this had been an actual emergency and if I knew 8 people in blogspace that Katie didn't already tag (I don't) I'd tag them, but........