I try to learn from my mistakes. But often it doesn't matter. It just ends up confusing me further.
The wife and I had a disagreement last night. It wasn't a fight. There was no yelling or argument really. It was a revelation. An "oh" about something I had done but was supposed to do differently. The problem was, without prior discussion, there could be no feasible way I could predict it and act differently.
Afterwards, there was basically silence for the rest of the night since it was near bedtime. Then we cuddled until dozing off.
Sure, I thought of things to say. About 50 different things. But then I remembered I don't always get my point across well, or I speak in haste and regret what I said. I don't fight "mean" (nor does she) but I don't always do a good job of making myself clear. Frequently, I don't feel 100% clear about my own point. How can I expect her to understand? And during these times, I so frequently don't understand her.
Then the next day I feel like shit. Even if I don't feel at fault I feel remorseful that it "happened" and that I could have done something to not let it happen. But I'm rarely sure what.
So I clammed up. As did she. And today I still feel like shit. To top it all off, she left this morning without a kiss goodbye although I think it was a coincidental oversight because it was hectic around the house this morning getting the Little One ready and both of us running late. We always kiss goodbye in the morning. And I'm sure it was just a coincidence. But its pause for thought. Is it subconscious? You know?
However, I was proud of myself last night for not saying anything. Letting it simmer. Letting me organize my thoughts.
But you know what? I still feel shitty today. And frankly, I'm not sure there's anything I could have done differently. This, too, will pass. But in the meantime its a bothersome feeling and it distracts me throughout the day. I am such a ponderer at times it drives me nuts. I hate that things can preoccupy my thoughts to such an extent.
I just want to make it better. Make it go away. But. I never seem to know how.
Sigh.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Thoughts
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2 kind commenters:
You know what I love about this? That you care that you misunderstood each other or wish it could have been better or different or whatever. Too often people just get angry or upset and forget that a husband and wife are supposed to be on the same side.
I know a lot of times my husband says things differently than he means them or I understand them differently than he means them. I'm sure he feels the same way about me. When we/I finally figure out what he really meant in words I can understand, everything is usually fine. It is the understanding each other clearly part that is hard.
Precisely.
Two things come to mind. I know -- and hope she knows -- no matter how anything comes out, there's really not any viciousness meant. And its okay to agree to disagree and we've done that plenty -- sometimes it comes up again, sometimes it doesn't.
It really comes down to communication and men and women just do it quite differently. Its as simple as that.
Btw -- A few texts back and forth during the day set a rather nice tone for the evening. Until my furnace exploded, lol.
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