Blue Light Special

I have hemmed and hawed (what exactly does that mean? sounds like farm sounds) about posting this story. However, since I got a little personal with yesterday's post, I figure I'll stay on that vein and go personal again.

Let me see if I can word it correctly --

Over the weekend, after Friday night's fireworks were reasonably forgotten, I was out shopping at K-Mart. They had golf shirts on sale for $7 so I thought I would check them out. The selection was pretty good and as I was picking out 4 in my size I saw something at an endcap (like my use of a retailing term for end of aisle?) that caught my eye. Packs of men's underwear were on sale. 50% off. Normally $10 but now $5. So I meandered to over to check it out.

I'm pretty much of a boxer brief guy. They're comfortable, yet supportive and if I choose to wear baggy shorts I don't get much chub-rub. You know, when one's warm, sweaty thighs rub together and get irritated. I'm by no means fat. Six feet and 185, so I can only imagine how bad it might be for a significantly overweight person. But still. Boxer briefs could be the best invention ever to alleviate that pesky little problem.

I digress.

Perhaps I was feeling randy, or horny, or what have you but I noticed they had one (yeah, one) pack of men's thong underwear on the rack. Perhaps they sold out of the others? And that one pack, of 5 pair, were in my size; medium. After nearly 11 years of marriage and 19 years with the same wonderful woman, its not out of the ordinary for me to, shall we say, find means to keep things exciting? Steak and sizzle are great. But it can be better with just a little spice. A-1 sauce anyone?

My mind wandered. Should I? Shouldn't I? Nah? Yeah? Why not? Would she like them? Hmmmm....

I'm secure enough in my own masculinity to set aside the gay angle assuming men's thongs equal gay. They probably do. I don't really care though. My main concern was whether she would like them or not. I wavered. She LOVES my butt. And, if I do say so myself, it IS one of my best features. If she doesn't find them sexy, at the very least it would be funny, right? To clarify, I was thinking of them just for "fun". As Borat would say, "To make sexy time". I didn't have any ideas of wearing them under my clothes to work or out with the boys on Monday Night Football.

Without further ado and waffling I grabbed the pack and slipped them under the hangered, yet folded, new shirts. I was nervous so it seemed prudent to hide them. I've bought lingerie for the Mrs. It doesn't really bother me. I have to admit, though, this was making me nervous. I'm not sure if it was purchasing them or Mrs. B's future reaction. Next, I worried about finding the right cashier. What exactly IS the right cashier though? I decided "who cares what a cashier thinks?".

One of my favorite all-time things happened next. They rang up cheaper than I was willing to pay. I once bought a computer that rang up $150 less than I thought I it would cost. I had thought the initial price was a bargain! You couldn't get the doofy smile off my face for hours after that. This purchase wasn't at that level, of course, but they rang up at $1. Yup. A dollar. Cool beans. At least my idiotic purchase wouldn't send me to the poor house.

Shortly after, I proudly walked in the house and showed off my four, new, stylish shirts for which I paid $28. The Mrs seemed impressed. Perhaps she was humoring me. She tends to temper my excitement at times.

I kept my other purchase a secret. I was still unsure what to do.

The evening progressed and before bed I slipped on a plain gray thong under some silk boxers. Without going into much detail, at some point later she discovered them. She eyed them like she was examining some new species recently discovered in the Amazon. I sat there with my crooked, sheepish smile.

I laughed that nervous, closed-mouth laugh. In text it would sound like hmm, hmmm. She sorta smiled and asked to see my butt in them. I believe her response, which was all long and drawn out, was something along the lines of, "Well..........you........have the butt for them." Its my sincere feeling she was being Politically Correct.

Normally, I would ask her opinion on something like that (like I do that all the time). I don't think I had to in this instance. Her viewpoint was pretty clear.

Hey, at least I tried. I hope there's bonus points for effort.

Think I could ebay the other four pair?