Sunday, July 29, 2007


Well, my knee was about 90% healed and I went and thought it'd be a good idea to dive for a ball in the outfield. It IS the playoffs afterall. Well, bad idea.

It didn't hurt much at the time or really affect me the rest of the game. I even awoke the next morning to nothing more than some discomfort. But as the day wore on the swelling increased as did my pain to the point where the pressure was unbearable.

At about midnight, Thursday, I went to the hospital. This time I had to sit a bit and I was dying in pain. I simply could not get comfortable. Eventually I got the doctor's attention (so not my style) and they gave me some Percocet. Wooooeeeee! That shit works!

It didn't kick in, however, until AFTER the Xrays which were devastatingly painful. There's no break and no real damage. Just swelling. So they drained me. Anyone who's had to have a fingernail drained knows the relief of that feeling. Pain went from a 10 to a 3. Night and day. Thank God!

I'm recovering quickly but think my softball year might be over.

Here's a view right before they drained me. I'm not sure it does it justice.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Laundry Day

Princess Fiona here in my office must do a hell of a lot of laundry as evidenced by the fact I think she wears only three different outfits. Three! It becomes quite apparent during a 5-day work week. Not to mention that, as far as I'm concerned, she has absolutely no fashion sense.

To wit --

Today features a burgundy velour too-tight mock turtle-neck shirt (she's maybe 50 pounds overweight) and black slacks that are too short (two of her three pants are too short). She combines these pants with Witch Hazel-type shoes/boots that are just.....well....hideous. But, to make it worse, she wears white athletic socks that are always on display because of the high-waters she favors.

I'm not kidding. I wish I was. She never wears a skirt or a dress. She even wore a work outfit to a wedding! Its always one of three pair of black pants with the Austin Powers shirt she's wearing today, or a too tight teal tank thingy that's not very dressy, or a gold button-up shirt which she chose for the wedding..

Therefore, she must be doing laundry almost ever day, right? I AM assuming she washes them between wearing them. I've never had evidence she doesn't.

Monday, July 23, 2007


Camping was great! We had a blast. Weather was perfect. The only real issue was we weren't able to camp at the shore as the two main state campgrounds were full. Thankfully, I have GPS which found the nearest campgrounds plus their phone numbers. So after a few calls and we were able to find a site, albeit 30 minutes away. It was a terrific family campground with a great big pool so we spent Saturday afternoon there rather than at the beach. Then, in the evening, we made steak, grilled corn on the cob and shrimp with cocktail sauce and had some adult-type cocktails. The weather and everything else could not have been more perfect. Sunday we awoke to more perfect weather, had a nice breakfast, packed up and headed back the shore where we enjoyed yet another great day.

Therefore, it sort of makes for a boring post, no?

Fear not! I DO have a camping story but its from years ago and its one of the reasons I've traditionally hated camping.

We were in Vermont and I was awoken to VERY loud voices at 5:20 a.m. A woman, in an incredibly shrill voice, was barking orders to her 12 year old son. They were packing up to leave. It was absolutely outrageous in her total lack of any courtesy for others. I could hear other campers muttering about what the hell was going on and even telling them to keep it down.

After a few minutes, of course, I had to pee. My trek to the men's room took me by her site which was perhaps two sites away from ours. Since I can't keep my mouth shut, I couldn't resist saying "Ma'am! Its 5:20 in the morning. People are sleeping. You have to quiet down. Please!"

Her response is one of the most incredible things I've ever heard. She literally screamed back at me at the top of her lungs. "LISTEN HERE, MR. MAN! I JUST HEARD MY HUSBAND WAS HOSPITALIZED LAST NIGHT! I DON'T NEED ANY CRAP FROM YOU! WE NEED TO GO SEE HIM NOW!"

Unbelievable. I'm not sure what that had to do with the price of chewing gum in Guam. Nor have I ever been referred to as "Mr. Man" before or since. But! I have a big issue with people who encounter a problem in their lives and it becomes, by proxy, everyone else's problem as well.

I replied, "I don't see how that has any bearing on you waking up the entire campground. I'm merely asking that you NOT scream at this time of day."


Even more unbelievable. I had no fear of the police because I'm sure they would see just how insane she was and I think perhaps some fellow campers would step forward as character witnesses. I got a few laughs from the surrounding tents when my response, in somewhat of a stage-whisper/growl was something like, "I don't really care who the FUCK you call as long as you SHUT UP!" Then I continued to the men's room.

The offending party continued to clang and yelled and slam car doors but eventually departed maybe 20 minutes later. Of course I was now awake for the day.

That, among other reasons, is one of the causes of me swearing off camping ever again.

Sincerely, Mr. Man!

Friday, July 20, 2007


I just got back from lunch with my brother in law/best friend "T". We went to Hooters (barely down the road) and had a couple pitchers with our wings and sandwiches. It was a semi-working lunch actually. Surely, their food's not so great, but the scenery is not half bad. As a result of our indulgence, however, I have a nice glow on. Ever work with a buzz? Sure makes the afternoon more enjoyable. Having said that, its a slow Friday and I can't wait to get out of here to start my weekend.


Unfortunately, today I woke up to a scratchy throat. Mrs. B. has nursed a bit of a summer cold for a few days and I fear I may have contracted it from her. I didn't really get sick last winter and when I did feel something coming on I took "Airborne". Its an effervescent pill that tastes like grapefruit juice (a little) after being dropped in water; ala Alka Seltzer. It tastes like Fresca and I just downed one. Anyway, it works wonders for me and I'll swear by it in the future. Try it next time you feel a cold coming.

Fear not, it clearly states on the container "Created by a Second Grade School Teacher". If that kind of statement on your health products doesn't indicate high levels of integrity and quality, I don't know what does. Need pills for your ailment? What does a doctor know? Go see an elementary school teacher!


In other news, we had a major storm here last night and a tornado touched down about 15 miles away. To my Oklahoma friends that may not be a big deal, but its been a long time since there was a confirmed twister on the ground in these parts. I found it pretty exciting. Of course, it wasn't in my neighborhood.


Finally, for quite a while I've promised the Little One I would take her camping. We've camped in the living room before and lately she's taken to her new Strawberry Shortcake tent which has been set up there. But this weekend, its for keeps. The real deal.

While praying against tornadoes (weather looks to be fine) tonight I will pack our real tent, sleeping bags, comforters, board games, chairs, stove, grill, cooler, beer, instant coffee, wine, steaks, potatoes, corn, eggs, bagels, butter, plastic kitchen0-ware and beach supplies among the many other things I will no doubt forget. Then, tomorrow, after I return from golf (I can't miss that, can I?) we will trek the 40 or so miles to the Connecticut shore and hang out for the day before camping out for the night in one of the state park campsites. After which, we will spend Sunday at the shore for a nice holiday weekend even if not less than an hour's drive away.

I did a lot of camping as a kid and through high school and college and swore after I had the means, it would be only Motels/Hotels for me. Well, I have the means, but the Little One is all fired up for some camping and I can certainly handle one night of it. You could say I'm even looking forward to it. I'll just have to make sure I have plenty of reading material to fend off the boredom.

Unless one thinks I can talk Mrs. B. into wearing something slinky to bed? Hmmmm.....

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

13 Cool Things

13 Things I love about my wife, Mrs. Nouveaublogger (not her actual name,btw) --

  • I love that she shares my sense of humor;
  • I love that she is a fantastic mom;
  • I love that she likes ALL kinds of movies*;
  • I love her genuine compassion for others;
  • I love that she will "go with the flow";
  • I love how smart she is;
  • I love her passion for music and how she HAS to sing outloud to every song she likes;
  • I love how funny she is;
  • I love that she likes ALL kinds of foods;
  • I love how important family is to her - both hers and mine;
  • I love how she looks out for me;
  • I love that she's HOT; and MOST OF ALL --
  • I love that she loves me :)

What's cool abour your signficant other? Post on your blog if you haven't any posting ideas.

** even if she consistently mixes up the Terminator and Robocop.

Edited three hours later (how'd I forget this) Let's call it 13a -- I'm a better person around her and because of her.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

The Scene

Saturday, July 14, 2007, 6:22 a.m., sound end, Hartford, Connecticut

Golf, in its entirety, is not only about chasing a little white ball around 150 acres of property.

Monday, July 16, 2007


You in the office near mine - its been going on for a long time. I'm sure at this point its a nervous habit since you've been doing it regularly since your first day here. But, if you continue to clear your throat ever 3-7 seconds, at times stretching it out to 5 or more seconds (arrrgchhhhh) I will tend to my last resort. I will dial 911. I will claim there is a 4-alarm fire. I will commandeer the hook and ladder truck. I will use, under full pressure the fire hose to soothe whatever "scratchyness" you are experiencing.

Please. I'm begging you. Just stop.

Or take a lozenge.

Now who's Mr. Patience?

Friday, July 13, 2007

Proper Princess?

My wife had a retirement party to go to last night. She works with her best friend so her best friend went as as well as did her husband since he works for the city too.

Is that clear? Probably not. Anyway, the result is that I watched my Little One and our friend's two little ones; a girl who's my kid's age (they're best friends) and their 2+ year old son.

Both kids are adorable and reasonably well-mannered so it was a pleasant evening in spite of the fact that they totally trashed Little One's room to the point where they were falling over stuff at every turn.

Of course the two girls, being four and a half and five, are all about princesses. Mine owns no less than 4 play outfits and each thoroughly enjoy dressing up complete with mock jewelry. Then they trade clothes and do it all over again. Its really cute and they have an absolute ball and I thrill in listening to their interaction and little princess stories. No doubt, they are totally girly-girls.

Apparently caught up in the excitement, the little boy comes to me with a Snow White dress wearing only his underwear. He wants me to help him put it on. Little One told me that he's worn princess costumes at home when she's stayed over. I guess the kid's dad is a bit bothered by it, but lets it fly.

Its a bit weird if not a big deal. I like to think I'm pretty liberal-minded. Who someone chooses to love, live with, marry or have sex with is their business. What gender someone wants to be is perfectly ok with me. Activities people do in the the privacy of their own bedroom don't phase me in the slightest. And if some dude wants to wear a dress or panties in his spare time, what do I care?

Usually if it doesn't affect the price of beer I don't really give a crap.


This one bothered me a little. Maybe I feel he's small and impressionable. Maybe being a friend's child I feel a bit protective. I just didn't like the idea of him slipping on frilly dresses and ballerina tutus and whatnot. Is he merely wanting to be like big sister? Is it just play to a kid that age? I would guess so. But, could it be something "inside" the kid or something that could be guarded against to perhaps make his life easier down the road? Probably not, but who really knows?

I was a psychology major in college. I'm sure at some point we broached this and it was credited to just being a curious, fun-loving child and not subjecting himself to modern mores or societal stereotypes and inhibitions. I don't really remember though. Maybe I was hung over and missed that class.

Well, I decided to help him zip it up. It was weird and I thought he looked too feminine. However, if his parents don't really care then I shouldn't. Again, its their business.

I was, however, relieved later when he brought me his pajamas to change into. They had cool trucks all over them!

Thursday, July 12, 2007

How I Spent My Thursday

I was here.

I know. Shocker.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

How Much Work?

How much work actually gets done in a day?

Is that salary really indicative of how much she's done?

I'm sure she comes in when things are hectic and there is so much to get done that she can barely think straight. Everything is due yesterday and she is compelled to plow through tons and tons of actual work making for a most productive day. As a result, she knows of her potential to really tackle tasks and earn her pay, perhaps even amazing herself at how much crap she can accomplish when she puts her mind to it. She knows when stuff HAS to get done, it gets done. And the time flies. And her ego soars.

But she's worked there forever. She knows what must be done to avoid getting any shit from above just as she knows what can be put off, when she can slip in late or sneak out early. Its just a matter of knowing the system.

As a result, it more common for her to spend the first 20 minutes to an hour checking personal emails, looking up her Ebay auctions, reading the news and checking and writing blogs. After which, of course, she will get around to the work-related voice mails, emails and returned calls before diligently working until about 10:45 when the lunch plans begin. A stop at a coworkers desk is in order for some discussion about her kid, their kids, money issues, the weather, vacation, car problems, her shitty husband or to bitch about all the work she must get done. Of course that IS work. Bitching about co-workers or assignments is all work-related, no?

Anyway, that 45 minute conversation will get her really close to the dreamy break in the day; lunch. But, before that she will plod through some paperwork to reduce the guilty feeling about how little has been accomplished so far only to promptly head out at her pre-appointed lunch time and not a minute later. Perhaps sooner even.

Maybe she'll run an errand or go sit outside and read. Anything to unwind from the stress of the morning. Sometimes she'll eat at her desk and read or surf the 'net yet again. She must catch up on all the witty chain e-mails, jokes and pictures as well as formalize the plans for the weekend. Technically, her lunch is what? 30 to 45 minutes? Of course that can be stretched because six weeks ago she skipped lunch to finish an assignment. And then there was that time when she scarfed lunch down in the car between appointments. She's an expert at rationalizing it all, but in reality the she knows the score's not even. Its not even close.

Then she'll have a productive few hours after lunch until the sugar crash comes because she ate junk food. At about three she'll skip out to Dunkin' Donuts for an iced coffee pick-me-up only to return and skate through the rest of the day on personal phone calls, online shopping and more interoffice bitching. Oh, and she'll double-check for comments on her blog. Or triple check. Then she'll slip out ten minutes early. Or if the boss already left for the day, 20 minutes early. Again, rationalized by that time in March when she had to come in early. Twice!

Its all good though. She's quick to point out to herself that Thursday, three weeks ago when the boss called her at 6pm to ask a quick question. How about the the time she actually solved a work-related issue while in the shower at home? On HER time. They owe her. Doesn't that make it even? Is it though? Is it really?

How much work actually gets done in a day?

Tuesday, July 10, 2007


Do readers click hyperlinks? Should I even bother with them? I think its good for more information and so I don't have to get too wordy about a subject, but I won't bother if they aren't clicked (unless its a reference). Be honest. It won't hurt my feelings.

Light Bloggin'

I haven't been blogging as much lately or commenting for a myriad of reasons. Mostly, last week daycare was closed, so I took a semi-working vacation to watch the Little One. Semi-working in that I worked 6 hours on Monday while my mother-in-law watched her, taking her in on Tuesday and Thursday for a few hours and coming in after hours on Thursday. All-in-all it mostly felt like a week off from work and I got to spend quality time with my Little One in daddy/daughter mode as Mrs. B. worked a full week (she was recently promoted so time off was out of the question.).

Monday when I finally picked her up we spent some additional time with Grandma as I love my in-laws company and the Little One wasn't ready to leave. Then we went out for hot dogs at a cool place by the river. I swear that little kid would eat hot dogs every single day if she could.
Perhaps there's some competitive eating in her future. Did you notice how many records I posted below are held by a woman? Nothing like a chick that can really throw down the chow.

Tuesday we came into the office for a bit and then we went to Lake Compounce Amusement Park. I haven't been there since I was a kid and its grown tremendously. Now advertised as a family amusement park it lives up to it well. Not all that expensive and kids of 40", her height, can go on most but the hairiest of rides as long as they're with a parent. Plus, free soda everywhere! She loved it and we got totally soaked at the end after the log flume ride and rapid river rides. We both vowed to take Mrs. B. there real soon. Its cool to have a kid that has no fears of rides or exciting things like that because both Mrs. B and I love that stuff. I could do without too much spinning though. Urp!!!

Wednesday, the fourth, after I golfed in the morning at a beautiful new course in state, we all went to a party at some friend's newly purchased house. It has a pool, a trampoline, volleyball. firepits, outdoor card table, etc. Pretty cool but again it was chilly out so we didn't swim and soon it was raining so we mostly hung out inside. Good time in any event.

Thursday, I again came into the office with her for a bit. However, some of the things I needed to get done were offset by a scheduling change so I had more time and we decided to head for the beach. It was not the warmest of days but the sun was out. After a Wal*Mart trip for suits, sunscreen, a towel and a toy truck we were off. My unpreparedness was because we originally had no plans for the beach and I didn't want to go home because that would been an hour out of our way. Her bathing suits are getting too small anyway and the new Nemo one is a hit!

Creepy thing at the beach, however. It was nearly deserted as it was cool and the sun wasn't staying out. However, a 60-ish guy came down the path with a cooler and chair and sat not too far away from us for about 10 minutes. Then he grabbed his stuff and went down the beach 500 yards or so. I thought maybe he didn't want a kid near him. Possibly. But! He set the cooler up on one side and the chair, now covered in a towel, on the other and he lay down between them. Best case scenario he was shielding himself from the wind which wasn't that heavy or maybe nude sunbathing? Worse case......ugh! I don't want to think about it. A couple young ladies did stop and were talking to him at one point. Looked weird. He hitched his pants a lot when I finally got up too. Creepy.

Anyway, we had fun and afterwards stopped for some seafood for dinner. I'm not sure why seafood is more predominant at the Connecticut coast than inland but I'm pretty sure none of the menu items are harvested locally. The first few bites were good, but it was all fried and that stuff makes me feel blech very shortly. Little One had an ice cream sandwich for dinner.

Either I'm a cool dad (her words) or a crappy one (ice cream for dinner?) but I figure its her vacation too so I allowed it. She ate a bit of fried calamari too. "Hey, I like this!"

After I worked a bit on Thursday night I came home to find Mrs. B's car wouldn't start. Since it wasn't the battery I told her I would take care of getting it towed in for service on Friday and she could take my car to work. It didn't start when I tried it first thing Friday either. However, Triple A shows up for the tow and, of course, it started up like there was never a problem. I'm like, "what the fuck?" Unbelievable. Anyway, he left and I drove it down to be checked anyway and the Little One and I walked the mile home. They couldn't find anything wrong, of course, but cleaned the battery terminal. Somehow, I just KNOW that isn't it.

Anyway, I spent the rest of the day installing a new outside door to my backyard as the Little One "helped". Then when storms moved in we went inside for kid movies which meant I read. That night was poker night and I was done in an hour. Crap! Lost big time on Ace/King. Oh well.

Saturday, we all went to one of those "catch-all" birthday parties for like 5 of Mrs. B's relatives that have summer birthdays. It was nice if not terribly eventful.

I played 27 with some buddies on Sunday.

Relatively uneventful vacation but nice to just kind of wing it without formal plans.

We're planning a bash of our own this Saturday since we usually have a summer party. Hopefully, I'll get some blogging material from that.

Friday, July 6, 2007

Competitive Eating

It seems like the latest spectator sport to catch on is competitive eating. No doubt you've heard or seen the annual 4th of July hot dog eating contests wherein this year Joey Chestnut upset the perenniel winner by downing 66 hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes while setting the new record.

I don't think after that I could ever eat another hot dog after such an endeavor, but in honor of that amazing accomplishment I thought I would look up a few other competitive eating records.
Here's a few interesting ones.

• 16-inch pizza: 19 slices in 10 minutes (Patrick Bertoletti)
• Birthday Cake: 5 pounds in 11:26 (Richard LeFevre)
• Burritos: 15 burritos in 8 minutes (Eric Booker)
• Butter: 7 quarter-pound sticks (salted) in 5 minutes (Don Lerman)
• Cheesecake: 11 pounds in 9 minutes (Sonya Thomas)
• Chicken Nuggets: 80 in 5 minutes (Sonya Thomas)
• Chicken Wings: 182 in 30 minutes (Joey Chestnut)
• Doughnuts: 49 (glazed) in 8 minutes (Eric Booker)
• Eggs: 65 (hard boiled) in 6:40 (Sonya Thomas)
• Hamburgers: 7 (3/4 pounders) in 10 minutes (Sonya Thomas)
• Ice Cream: 1.75 gallons (vanilla) in 8 minutes (Patrick Bertoletti)
• Mayonnaise: 1 gallon in 8 minutes (Oleg Zhornitskiy)
• Sweet Corn: 34.75 ears in 12 minutes (Crazy Legs Conti)
• Watermelon: 13.22 pounds in 15 minutes (Jim Reeves)
• Whole Turkey: 4.8 pounds in 18 minutes (Patrick Bertoletti)

Hmmmm.....lunch time yet?

Reference this site for MORE.