Hi

Ummm....yeah, hi....sorry about that. I had to put the blog down to answer the door and found the Jehovah's Witness sales pitch fascinating. Where were we?

Fore!

Shot my best golf ound of the year on Monday on a rather difficult course - 79. VERY excited because I have a trip to Trump National Golf Course (Westchester NY), Cape Cod tournament and another outing the following week all on tap.

Gettin' It Good

Nooo...not that kind of Gettin' It Good. You perverts!

My daughter has it good. Damn good. Her summer:

1 week of camp with her two best friends -- crafts, sports, bowling, mini-golf, pool, etc.
1 week of golf camp (1/2 day) then swim /ice skating camp (2nd half of day)
2 weeks of vactaion in Mytle Beach with her family (twas lovely)
1 week of vacation on a lake in Maine with her Aunt
4 weeks of swim camp, with morning sports activities thrown in
1 week of adventure camp w/ swimming, rock climbing, zip lines, etc.

Throw in assorted weekend excursions to the beach, shopping, cookouts, mini golf, family parties and friend's birthday parties (she goes to like 3 per month).

Yeah. She got it good. Its cool to be 8!

Weather or Not

So Tuesday we had an earthquake and Sunday we expect a hurricane. I AM still in Connecticut, right?

Let's Get Physical

I had a long overdue physical today. Apart from the fact that he didn't buy me dinner before violating me (he did apologize ahead of time), he was very happy with my health. I have slightly elevated blood pressure (my family is riddled with hypertension) so he gave me a 'script just to keep it in check. Otherwise I'm fine. Although I've been trying to drop a few pounds in the past few weeks, he called me "lean". I'm not fat, but I'm not lean. Furthermore, he also seemed to think I am much more fit than I am based on the heart test results. So I'll go with that as well.

Am I more fit than I give myself credit for? Or is he just used to seeing big slobs?

He even thought my tats were cool. That makes him cool in my book.

Winner, Winner Chicken Dinner

After taking a half day to play golf with my buddy and playing my best of the year, I won $245 playing poker Friday night. That's a cool way to start a weekend.

Saturday night I had a date with the wife. Its the first time we've left the boy with anyone and the girl had a sleepover. We saw The Hangover II. Hysterical! If you liked the first one, you'll like this one. Then we went to a nice late dinner - and I ordered fish! Yes, red meat lover that I am, I wanted a change of pace. And it was good! Such a lovely evening.

Then, on Sunday, I was able to finally fix my gas grill to my satisfaction. It's been a pain for 2 years, but I finally think its all set now. I'm such a typical guy, I love all things cooked over open flames. AND, I was able to fix the gas burner on the stove the same day! I'm regular Tim Allen lately!

Then today I weighed myself and I'm down almost 5 pounds in 10 days! My crash diet for vacation next month is off to a flying start. Nothing like waiting until the last minute, eh?

Quite the positive experiences the past few days.

Stand Up, Stand Up....

My little guy is standing on his own. But he hasn't taken a step yet. Any minute now he will.

Family!

Yesterday, we hosted a get-together for our son's 1st birthday. It was around 24 people or so and I enjoy hosting, usually.

But let me tell you about my brother's family: yeah the one that ran out of food on Thanksgiving! His wife and his 22-year old son are just friggin' weird. There's no nice way to put it. The kid does not in the slightest grasp social nuances or graces. And his mother's semi-superior attitude has worn me to the bone.

Of course, this is after a history of "issues" with them, so as I tell this tale, bear in mind its not the first such thing.

What was originally an outdoor party became an indoor one because it got cool outside. Lasagna was the main meal and there was a lot of it so it was taking a bit longer to re-heat than expected. The masses were hungry, so I couldn't blame them for being a bit anxious to eat. However, the family I mentioned above all camped out in my 9 x 14 kitchen, getting completely underfoot and doing nothing to expedite things. When the lasagna was close, we set out bread and salad, etc. on the "buffet" table in the adjoining dining room. The son, who now has a girlfriend - how he has one is a mystery of the universe - and said girlfriend start to serve themselves. I mention, "dinner's not quite ready, you guys might want to hold off just now."

"No, we're okay." was his response and they continued to serve themselves and sit down and eat! In normal society, my statement really means "dinner is not ready, please don't start in yet" does it not? But they don't take the clue and his mom comes over and starts helping herself next! What's the proper way to tell people to stop fucking eating! My mom would do it and it would come across as rude. So we said nothing.

Dinner is finally served maybe 20 minutes later and guess who the first three persons were in line? And they ALL grabbed more bread and salad. I mean, really? Really? We had enough food - but not by too much - we expected 17. Mind you, anything that family does frustrates me and I dont' suffer fools well but I bit my tongue. I had no idea until this morning how pissed off the nearly unflappabel Mrs. Nouveau was either.

A little later, my wife asks the mom, out sister in law, if she can get her anything to drink.

"What do you have?" is the response.

My wife responded, "Well, we have beer, all different sorts of wine, margaritas, most mixed drinks, coke, diet coke, root beer, orange soda, lemonade and bottled water." Now, in text I can't do the impression my wife does of my sister-in-law, but think of the whiniest voice you can when you read she answered, "Hmmmm, well, ummmmmm......I don't really want any of that.....I guess just a water then." She seemed completely disappointed.

Unbelievable! I ask this, gentle reader and answer honestly. What is NOT on that list that any reasonable party-goer would expect to be offered? Clamato? Prune juice? Moxie? Seriously, if you're tastes are so off the beaten path for refreshments perhaps you should really bring your own. Am I wrong. Everyone else seemed to find something acceptable.

I am pretty much best friends with my brother so I really try not to say anything, but his family drives me bonkers! In fact, drives everyone bonkers.

Just Trust Me On This One

My daughter wanted to wear a pretty summer dress today with white tights underneath. When she couldn't find any tights, she decided to pull her knee socks up to mid-thigh.

I struggled to explain to her why that's not a good look for an 8-year-old. Needless to say, she did NOT go to school like that.

Blog-It

A bunch of my blogger labels are screwey! I don't need this shit. I barely have/make time to blog as it is, let along fix stuff.

Fans

But my little girl wants to come watch me play softball tonight. That's kind of cool to have her tag along. It'll be fun to show her that her old man's not half bad even if he's not what he once was, you know?

She's in her 2nd year playing and has been progressing leaps and bounds. She's one of the better ones on the team, knows it, yet wants to practice to get even better so I'm helping her with that. She's even slightly interested in watching baseball on TV to learn more about it.

At least the weather's spectacular. Wish me luck.

Hang it Up?

Softball begins tomorrow night. I think for the first time in my life I'm not looking forward to it in the slightest. I know they're going to want me to play outfield and, frankly, my old bones and muscles can't do it anymore. Yet, I seem to be the best option they have.

My mind still harkens back to playing tournament level games where I wasn't sure I belonged and marveled at the talent levels of those around me. In retrospect, I must have belonged because I was asked to play by the team owners and its not like they didn't have choices. For the most part I played quite well. I've also played for many local, talented teams who've gone on to the championship.

Now I'm jaded. I sit and marvel at the inablility of my teamates and their general lack of baseball knowledge as a whole. I've tried ahrd and adapted a bit over the years and try to make it more fun than competitive yet I'm getting to the point where I don't feel I can be competitive. I even fear embarrassing myself out there.

I know I can't do what I could or really even come close to it. I really want to be the guy the team can depend on and I feel I have been to this point. But I'm not sure I can be in the future. Hell, I was sore after practicing with my daughter on Sunday. Practicing!

I'll be 45 this year. I've said it before but have yet to follow through on it, but I think after this year I'm done.

Appreciate it

Its been over a year now since I left my part-time gig at the casino and I still appreciate it when I know I don't have to give up my nights over the weekend. Especially a splendid looking one like this one coming up!

Easter Hotness

Did everyone have a good Easter? I assume you celebrate it. Its nowhere near my favorite holiday. We went out to an incredibly over-priced Easter buffet then came back with family to my house for drinks.

The weather was very warm, but made even warmer by how hot Mrs. Nouveau looked!

My Music

Three posts in a row. Pretty good, huh? Actually, these past two were pre-written. I feel guilty when I don't post knowing both my readers are anxiously anticipating my next incredible witicism (did that come across as sarcastic?).

Anyway, I'm thinking of paring down my music on my phone. Lately, I've been skipping a number of songs. I'm not sure why, sometimes I'm just not in the mood for certain songs. And if I do it time and again, why is it on there?

Here's my next ten per the shuffle feature:

1. Lonely is the Night -- Billy Squier. I could see myself skipping that one time and again.
2. Just the Way You Are - Billy Joel. I have been skipping some of the BJ songs, even though I'm a huge fan and have most of his library loaded up. But that's never one of him. Someday I should post about what a genius BJ really is.
3. Get Naked - Methods of Mayhem. M of M is Tommy Lee's band and this is the only song I know. Its filthy but for some reason I find it fun. Even if it can't be listened to in mixed (any) company.
4. Get Stoned - Hinder. Love this band but somebody was done wrong. They have a lot of anger in their songs, but in a whimsical way, if that's possible.
5. Stairway to Heaven - Pat Boone. Did you read far enough to see Pat Boone. He did an entire album of hard rock/heavy metal in his own style/voice. I think its hysterical and its actually quite good music, considering a big band is playing rock. I thought my wife would think so too, but she thinks I'm nuts for spending the money and doesn't get it at all. We can't connect on everything I guess.
6. Breaking Inside - Shinedown. Another band I'm crazy about as I think I've mentioned in past posts.
7. Never Again - Nickelback. Kind of a fluff band, but fun and catchy.
8. No Leaf Clover - Metallica. This particular version is off the S&M album wherein they recorded with the San Fransisco Philharmonic Orchestra. Plenty of Metallica fans think they sold out doing a concert with and orchestra but I think its really cool. Heavy metal with horns and violas, cellos, violins etc. is really cool I think. I'm always a big fan of different versions of stuff I already like (see Pat Boone above).
9. I Am The Bulldog. Kid Rock. I'm starting to think I'm losing interest in KR. I used to like his stuff a ton, but I've been skipping it lately.
10. World of Fantasy - Triumph. Wow, this is kind of old school '80's rock. Triumph had a great 5 year run or so, but ended up on the lower rung of Canadian Rock Trios.

There's my 10. I'm always curious about what comes up. Your opinions?

Un-Friendly

My mom has taken to commenting on Facebook posts. Now I don't post much, but sometimes something sweet and short will strike my fancy and I'll post it. God knows why, though. So, my mom corrected my grammar in one, then, totally didn't get the joke that I was making.

I didn't have the energy to explain the joke, but I commented back that if we're going to start correcting spelling and grammar in Facebook, we're in for the long haul. Among others, my wife's cousin has YET to spell a word correctly. And don't even get me started on her grammar.....

So I promised my mom I'd do better and she said "thanks honey". Oh brother

Speaking of brother, my brother made a politically incorrect comment. He called himself a 'tard in one of his posts. My mom called him out on that by pointing out how non-PC that was. Unfortunately, he's not one to pick and choose battles. He always has to get into it with her.

I'm not quite sure my mom gets Facebook. Frankly, neither do I but in a different way.

Should we "unfriend" her? Nah, the ramifications of that would be too severe.

Tina Fey - Hot AND Funny

Really, almost a month since I posted? Yeef.

I think a lot of guys share my attraction to Tina Fey. She's so.....cute! And a comedic genius too. Below is something I stole off the internet somewhere. Funny....and poignant.

Tina Fey's Prayers for Her Daughter

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Bea......uty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her --

When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Yeah, its more of a female point of view, but still works, no?

Snow-What?

I don't care if its 41 and there's a cold northerly wind. I'm going golfing. Now where are my snow-shoes?

I Mean, Seriously?

Predictions of 2 to 5 inches of snow today, tonight and into tomorrow have me asking:

WHAT

THE

FUCK?

It was 73 on Friday. I payed my golf club dues and golfed over the weekend. Grrrr.....

Lookee Here!

That's me at about 6 months I'd guess. I keep hearing my boy looks like me. While he does the tongue thing I do there, my eyes were way bigger. I do see some similarities though.

Obi Wan Sober-ish

Do you think Obi Wan Kenobi ever used a Jedi Mind Trick to get through an intergalactic sobriety checkpoint? Probably, right? Maybe in college.

Into it All

Our little man, now a full 9-months old, started crawling. And boy did he go from zero to 60 fast. What was once merely content to sit in one place, occasionally reaching for things has quickly become full exploration of the entire house.

Its cute as hell, but man is it tough keeping up with him. And the baby gates are still in their brand new plastic wrappers!

Money on Fire

I went into Golfer's Warehouse over the weekend to follow-up on something I'd been meaning to do for the longest time; get fit for my (or other, if needed) golf clubs. The process is pretty cool. They have you hit balls in front of an optic monitor thingy which measures club speed, ball speed, ball spin, launch angle, etc. My fitter was a great guy who after analyzing the datat told me that I would always struggle with the setup I had. He said my swing was pretty sound and thought I could really benefit from some after-market shafts.



That all rang pretty true with me. I just never seemed to have 100% confidence that my equipment was correct for me. I work terribly hard at the game yet lately, I haven't been seeing the improvements I thought I deserved. He said my ball flight had too much spin for the launch angle and it wouldn't be true to me and would eventally cause me to "correct" it in the next swing making matters worse since it was caused by improper equipment rather than improper swings. Its all very technical but fascinating to a number freak like me.



He also measured my "grouping" which is the general area where my shots were landing - yeah, the computer can compute all that - and promised me he could tighten it up with new shafts, i.e. make the circle smaller. So, if my average miss was 18 yards, he could make it like 12. That's a big deal! Furthermore, he LOVED the club-heads on my set, so apparently, the deal I got last year was an actual deal. He merely thought the shafts I was playing were not correct for my swing-type.



I trusted the guy and the data. He could have sold me new gear but he felt I was best served by the stuff I have after I tweaked it. He actually talked me out of new gear because nothing in store would have had the shafts he felt were perfect for me. Plus, without me even hitting one of my hybrids (new-fangled 3 and 4-irons, which I hate) he told me there was no way I would be able to hit them consisetently. And I can't. Hence the reason I hate them.



So I spent some money but not too much. I have all my newly shafted clubs and I'm eager to put them to the test. The driver shaft was rather pricey at nearly $200. But believe it or not, they have a $2200 driver shaft in store. Good God! And a new driver, again without the perfect shaft could run about $400. He also suggested shortening the driver shaft back a bit after taking into account my swing arc.



Needless to say, I'm pretty excited about it all, but probably a rather boring blogger. But, if I could take 3 strokes off my game this summer, throught equipment and short game improvements I'd be a happy camper.



Now, if only this damn snow would melt.

Store Without Doors

Cool! I got $70 for my old Blackberry after Ebaying it to make room for the new iPhone. That will help pay for my club fitting tomorrow.

Get Over It

I saw Bob Dylan perform on the Grammy's the other night. Can we all PLEASE stop pretending he's some genius? It sounded so bad I was cringing. He would have been cut from American Idol and voted off the island in the same episode. It was horrible. Then the crowd gives him a standing ovation? I mean, REALLY? Do people actually love Bob Dylan's music or do they think they're supposed to love Bob Dylan's music so they go with the crowd?

I do like many of his songs, however. When other people perform them!

And that Mick Jagger song might have been the most annoying song I've ever heard. Hey, Mick, please, repeat that line again, okay? I didn't catch it the first 76 times you sang it.

You Give Me Fever

Temperatures today are in the mid 40's with even warmer forecast through the weekend. Spring fever's running rampant and its all anyone can talk about. We're down to about two feet of standing snow now. Perhaps I will be golfing by Memorial Day afterall.

And I also recently received softball league information.

Mrs. Nouveau is Nouveau

Mrs. Nouveau has lost nearly 30 pounds (I found a few of them around my beltline, however) since starting Weight Watchers in November. I'm proud of her, she's proud of her (as she should be), in fact everyone's proud of her. She wasn't huge to start with, but really looks fantastic and as a reward recently spent a king's ransom on new hair cut and coloring/highlighting. She looks great. As I said in my last post, if I wasn't such a fucking catch, I'd fear she was primping to move on to someone better/richer/handsomer.

Weight Watchers, however, is not cheap. Nor is eating healthy. Nor is needed so many new clothes!

So, for a Valentine's present I used some of the money I won on the Superbowl with some I had squirreled away to take her clothes shopping on Saturday evening. I understand its sort of a cop-out, but it's so much easier with her there. I do, however, offer solid opinions when asked.

I didn't tell her how much I had to spend but every time she decided on something I'd ask "anything else you need?" Funny that she quit shopping before I reached my budget so I took her out to a simple late dinner, which was very nice.

Then yesterday, she went through ALL her clothes. I'm talking an 8 foot closet chock full plus a woman's dresser and a man's dresser's worth. Much of the stuff she hadn't worn in years or completely forgot she owned. She purged a bunch of the "bigger" clothes as well as tons of stuff she didn't like/want/need. In the end, however, it was like she just came back from "What Not To Wear" with how much "new" stuff she had discoverd. She kept popping in while I watched golf to show what she found that was long forgotten or that now fit when it hadn't in so long.

When mama's happy, the house is happy, right?

Divorced!

Noooo, not my wife and I. She'd be crazy to leave me. I'm a fucking catch!

My phone. I dumped my Blackberry Storm for the iPhone 4 since its now available on Verizon which is my carrier of choice. There's a couple things the iPhone doesn't do that the Blackberry did, but about a million things the iPhone does that the Blackberry didn't! I'm so psyched!

Back to Back

I tweaked my back on Sunday. I think it was chipping the driveway/walkway ice and shovelling. After a day or so it had improved but then seemed to level off.

Well, last night while carrying my 22 lb nearly 9-month-old son down the stairs I slipped and landed awkwardly totally tweaking my back again!

I am sooooo uncomfortable today.

MBSC

Looks like my family will be going to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina again this year for vacation. Reasons being:

1. We love the beach;
2. Lots of golf courses (for me, anyway);
3. Tons of restaurants (including my family's new favorite, Golden Coral);
4. Warm water, great surf;
5. Everything is so reasonably priced (golf, restaurants, etc);
6. My co-worker generously offered use of her condo for as long as we like for about 1/4 what it would cost us! 10 days for $350 sound good to anyone? Does to me!

MB or bust!

Sample This

I had to....a.....ummm.....errr.....bring in a sample in to finalize my vasectomy today.

I wonder.....why did I feel compelled to tell the lady I had "help"? But then again, how does one convey to the clinic counter-person something of the sort? I kept quiet.

She asked what time I "gave" the sample. Now that seemed more funny than embarrassing. "Wellllll....it was about 7am I guess". Again, another opportunity to mention I didn't take matters into my own hands, but then does it really matter? For some reason it did matter to me though. Not sure why. Of course I didn't seriously consider mentioning the intimate details, but it sat weirdly with me. I mean, who cares what this complete stranger thinks? She's probably processed a bazillion of them anyway. But yet I cared.

Lets hope I at least pass the test.

Same Old Same Old

More snow today! They expect up to a foot before it turns to ice. Kids are now missing their 6th day of school this year and tomorrow looks no better. I feel like all I do is turn on the TV to check the weather.

*Sigh*

Guessing Game

Hey! Guess what? Last night we had another snowstorm! Yeah, 16 inches. Awesome! Snowiest January ever!

And guess what next? I sent my spare keys through the snowblower. They must have fallen out of my pocket. Found all the pieces at least but the buttons ain't working! Bummer.

Did you happen to guess that second one? Whodathunk it?

Glass Nipples

Woah, was it cold! How about morning low of -10? That's minus 10 folks! My house woke with up with some kind of popping/settling or perhaps just chattering.

When did we teleport to Alaska exactly?

I love the seasons but this winter is getting old fast! And football season as I know it is over. Darn Jets!

When does my golf course open up?

Whip It Good!

Seriously Octomom? That's how you treat your kids? And WHO tattoos a baby? Man she's weird. Definitely be doing porn by the end of the year.

Independence Day Assignment

Between snowstorms, ice storms and holidays, my 8-year-old has gone to school exactly 1.5 days in the past 8. And they're talking 5 to 10 inches this Friday. Crazy! Especially when she's still in school around the 4th of July.

UPDATED 1/20 -- and it looks like another snowday tomorrow with an expected 4 to 8 inches overnight tonight!

Now That's a Storm

No bullshit from the weathermen this time! The normal over-glorified hype actually came true! My house had nearly 30 inches! No school yesterday or today! I can't remember a time they had two days off in a row.

Our cars are in those mounds. I think the weather guy on TV was creaming in his pants!

Civil War

In view of recent events, if there were to be another civil war in this country, would it be a huge leap to assume it would be between the political parties as opposed to race or religion? Perhaps Saturday's tragedy in Arizona, including the death of an innocent 9-year-old will cause people to slow down and catch their breath.

Because up to now the anger that is broadcast daily is truly reprehensible. When one hears about "taking back our country" it sounds as if we've been invaded and our government doesn't reflect the will of the people. The fringe of our society, the one's who's brain's aren't wire quite right, then feel its their responsibility to do just that. Violently!

Well, we need to find better solutions than that. Our politicians were validly elected by majority vote (such that we have it set up, anyway). Should our politicians not perform to our nearly impossible expectations, then we will have the right to select those we feel will.

Most of us have a rational view this. However, increasingly many, do not. And their skewed view of our world is consistently reinforced by syndicated talking heads who have no qualms about spewing ideologies that in many cases are without merit. Remember "death panels"? As if this great nation would ever sanction such a thing.

Of course the vomit that shoots out comes from both sides of the aisle. So we must all strive to stop the "sky is falling" mentality and learn to discuss our differences with restraint and as adults. The sky is not falling. Our country will perservere as it always has despite its past political fractures. The next election will almost certainly balance out the perceived flaws of the last one. We can fight with our vote. Anger and hate and feeling that those who think differently from us are inferior is counterproductive. We're better than that.

But then, adult conversation, respect for those who feel differently and efforts to grasp another's point of view don't make for good radio or television, do they?

More Blatt

Nobody's interested in the disgusting details about how I barfed on New Year's Eve are they?