Merry Christ(***BLAT***)mas

A stomach bug for an entire family does not make for a Norman Rockwell-type Christmas. My 8-year-old declared it the "worst Christmas ever!". But then, she's only had 7 that were better. So, the optimist that I am, I delcared it a top-10 Christmas! Right?

Least she got a shitload of loot! I got an e-reader. Its sooooo cool.

Inked

I got myself an early Christmas present. I got another tattoo. A few years back I posted about the one I had done to honor my daughter. I even mentioned at the time that if I had another child I would get one to honor him.

So I did.

Last Friday I took a 90 minute lunch and a terribly nice guy did the artwork based on an idea I had drawn up years ago. However, I don't remember the other two hurting like this one does. Its still sore but I totally dig it so it was well worth it!

Now, my wife is not huge on tattoos. When I came home to tell her I had new work done in the name of our son, she genuinely seemed excited to see it. And when I showed her she said she really liked it. That meant a lot to me.

Its the Chinese symbol for "family" with my son's initials.

(its still a litle scaley)

Then last weekend, we went to visit my parents for the holidays. While my mom would never lecture me about something such as that I just didn't want to deal with it. She didn't go wild about my others. I don't remember the comment, but there definitely was one. Again, I just didn't want to deal with it. Do you know what I mean?

We really had a terrific holiday visit and I think moms think of their kid's bodies as their own. So I guess that's why I usually reveal it on my own terms and that didn't seem like the time. She knows of my other two and she can find out about this one too; eventually.

Funny, though, Friday night my brand-new tattoo stained her sheets! Like ink and blood stains. Evidently, I rolled over onto my side and stayed there a while. Therefore, a direct mirrored replication of the tattoo was on her sheets.

Guess what we did? Tell her? No. Clean it? Nope. We bought new sheets even though they don't quite match. Knowing my folks, my dad will probably change the sheets and I can't imagine he'd notice. But if they realize, they may think my dog, wife, or child had an accident. I wonder in any event but we found it funny, our little caper.

Then I decided to cut out the swatch of fabric from the sheets we stole and scrap book it for my little guy. Who knows, maybe it will mean something to him some day.

Then Where Did It Go?

Our office has been here 17 years. I've been in my particular office within the office probably the past 13 years. Since I cannot stand anything in my pockets (phone, keys, wallet, change, etc.) I typically put all my change in a plastic cup in my desk drawer. I've done this forever and it comes in handy those days I just need a coffee and left my wallet somewhere, or whatever.

One morning, about 2 years ago it went missing! It was not low, like someone skimmed it. It was gone! The entire cup. At that time two things were new -- the cleaning crew (who merely bought the business, they used to do the cleaning before that) and a new receptionist/clerk/do-everything guy who actually does nothing except screw shit up and surf Facebook.

But he's related to one of the partners.

With me so far?

So I mention the missing money and there was a tepid investigation that went nowhere. Management believed the kid. The cleaning crew swore up and down they did nothing, etc.

So now I hide my change in my office inside a campy chessboard of all places. Its not even about the money. What's a cup hold? $6? But sometimes its nice to have it available and the principal of it along with the fact there's some asshole going through my desk pissed and pisses me off.

That was, as I said, about two years ago. Flash forward to lasst week ---

I drive a company car. Its a big piece of shit that I may have blogged about, but it saves me wear and tear on my own vehicle and its only marginally embarrassing to be seen in. In the center console I put change that I accumulate on the road as I park in various towns that have meters.

Well clerkboy used the company car a few days when his car needed some service (remember, he's related to a partner). Yeah, you guessed it. Next time I parked, all the fucking silver I had put in the console was gone! I was so pissed I parked with the meter red hoping to get a ticket that the company would pay for. Am I a rebel or what?

Surprisingly, after 90 minutes, no ticket. If it was my car there sure would be one.

Anyway, I didn't say anything because I wasn't completely sure there was change as I have used up all the silver in the past. But I was pretty sure there was. Again, its not the money but if he did it, what balls!! I mean, its MY money. Its not company money and he knows who drives 99% of the miles on that car.

Guess I won't store money there either. Perhaps I'll add a couple bucks to my expense report.

Accomplished

Got the tree up.

Decorated the house with lights.

Had some nice Egg Nog and spiced rum.

A chill and some flurries was in the air.

Wife threw her back out.

Which doesn't belong and why? Poor thing. She's at the doctor now.

Bad Day

Man, I'm having a bad day at work.

Ever have one of those days? You know, where just NOTHING goes right?

Take today for instance. I've spend the last 90 minutes trying to load album art onto some of the songs on my Blackberry that doesn't have any. Still working on it too!

Damn work!

What Kind of Pie?

A huge turnon for guys is....what?....pumpkin pie? Seriously?

Listen, I love pumpkin pie. And I love my lady. And there's nothing better than a nice fragrance on a woman. But that fragrance ain't dessert.

But who knows? Maybe come this Thursday things will heat up. Passions will run high. Bodies will comingle. And......

Oh shit. I'll have a house full of guests. And then there's that other "thing". You know, the one that tells you she's NOT pregnant. Yeah that.

Oh well. Have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Was I Wrong?

I've mentioned how I have a Facebook account but I'm not really into it. I check up on it twice a week or so to see if anything interesting has been posted but usually I find nothing has. Of course, I rarely post anything.

But yesterday, I thought I'd post the cutest picture of my 6-month-old son. I mean, "stop-you-in-your-tracks" cute! He's in a friggin suit and tie and looks like a Senator! Its great! But less than 15 mintues after posting it my sister-in-law (who claims she's not on Facebook much but most certainly is) posted the picture was on her page and used the exact same comment I had about the picture; "Ready for my first job interview" or something like that.

There was no sinister agenda on her part for sure, but I was kind of miffed. I only have like 25 Facebook friends and she's friends with most of them! I felt some of my thunder was stolen. One posts for comments right? Now if everybody sees it on her page first ---

I sent her a text about "stealing my post" and she kind of challenged me about it which irked me more to a level than miffed. After a slow to come around apology, that seemed insincere, she asked me why it bugged me. Well, perhaps I sound immature but it was my post of my kid on my page of my picture.

Today I've softened my stance and sort of wish I didn't say anything. I know she loves it and wants her friends (who aren't mine) to see it too, but am I asking too much that she not post it moments after I do? She could put the picture in her folder and I wouldn't care or even if she posted it a day later. I just wanted to revel in the comments at least for a bit.

But the main reason I have second thoughts is I received comments and she didn't. Now it seems as if I made a big deal of nothing. It wasn't that big a deal. I probably should have kept my mouth shut.

Easy Peasey, Lemon Squeezy

So the "procedure" wherein they wall off the little swimming tadpoles that are each the spitting image of me, was incredibly easy! Easy as a drunken ex-Catholic school girl on her first bender at college. Easy.

I got a prescription for Vicodin but I never even took an aspirin. I really didn't even need to ice although I did as a precaution Friday afternoon. In fact, on Saturday I had to keep reminding myself to take it easy. That easy.

The doctor (whom the wife thought was hot, R-girl -- but then aren't they all?) was a terribly nice guy and he answered a bunch of questions about college and medical shool. I think he was a bit younger than me and we had kids the same age. He even put on some music which at least shows I was wine and dine material. Hey, if he's going to spend that much time on my junk, I deserve to be treated right, no?

Got kinda weird, though, when he said I did a "good job with the shave". Uh. Thanks. I guess. I normally keep the lower meadows well groomed, so I guess my experience paid off.

In any event, I'm pretty much 100%. A tiny, tiny bit achey, but not a big deal at all. In three months I'm supposed to bring in a sample so they can test it to make sure all the "boys" are still locked up. I feel kinda bad for those little guys all swimming like hell in a big corn maze only there's no way out, but what are you going to do?

Then I though, wouldn't it be funny to F with the sample? My friend's wife breeds dogs so, she....urrr....ummm....shall we say takes care of them? I'm not kidding. Yep, into a little sample jar. Do you think they diagnostic place would notice? I know one thing, the full-breed dog stuff is worth a hell of a lot more than mine.

Or what if the sample was full! Ewww.....3 ounces. But funny.

Okay, enough baudiness.

Dirty Stay-Out

Well, I get neutered tomorrow.

On the plus side, at least I won't be out all night roaming the streets and howling. Nor will I be dry humping everything that moves!

Ok. Maybe I'll just stay off the streets.

Creating Jobs

A big political platform, naturally, is job creation. From what I've seen and heard lately the politicians are absolutely creating jobs. Somebody has to make those little signs held up by thin wire posts. The pin manufacturing guy is helped out as is the sticker making company. Lest we forget, the bulk-mailing companies and associated print-shops. Then of course, there's the media experts who film the commercials and the salepeople who sell the radio and TV airtime.

Linda McMahon, the former CEO of the WWE is running for Senate here in Connecticut. Short of being a businesswoman I really haven't seen any credentials indicating she is up for the job. But, she did pledge to spend $50 million to win the seat! We can debate the virtues of ultra rich people buying political posts but, hey, that $50 million went somewhere, didn't it? Much of it paid someone's salary. Way to go Linda!

I voted. Please do so if you haven't. Its flawed of course, but its the best government system in the world!

Now, please - I beg you - no more ads!

Family Costumes

Our costumes are set.

I will be a Monk
Mrs. N will be the Cat In The Hat
TLO will be a "Goth Vampire" as she puts it (prettiest vampire I've ever seen).
And TLO II will be a scarecrow.

Bring on the candy!!

Raining Leaves

I work all week and get excited when the weekend arrives. Sure I got 18 holes in Saturday morning. Then the rest of the weekend was followed by:

1. Attempt to start lawn tractor;
2. Attempt to jump lawn tractor;'
3. Diagnose lawn tractor problem;
4. Drive to tractor supply store for new solenoid;
5. Replace solenoid on tractor;
6. Suck up leaves, drive to curb, dump them;
7-42. Repeat;
43. Quick soak in the hot-tub with a beer (possibly my favorite point of the weekend;
44. Birthday party for my nephew;
45. Sleep;
46. Wake;
47. Drink coffee;
48. Clean/organize garage;
49 Start lawn tractor (yay!);
50. Rake out gardens;
51. Suck up leaves, drive to curb, dump them;
52-63. Repeat;
64. Drive to in-laws;
65. Blow leaves out of gardens;
66. Rake up leaves;
67. Load leaves in trailer to take to dump.
68. Notice its raining (YES!);
69. Eat dinner;
70. Drive home;
71. Watch football until I fall asleep.

Seems weekends should be more fulfilling.

My son rolled over for the first time. So that's cool.

Lost in Geno's Head

I knew where west was and I'm an excellent map reader. And we (three adults and a 5-month old) only got off course in the corn maze once or twice. Yet my 7-year-old, her 8-year-old friend and the 8's younger brother managed to beat us through it. Without the aid of a map or discernable plan. Simple trial and error and a LOT of running. I thought for sure I was going to have to do a "sweep" through the maze to find them. Boy did they delight in beating us!

By the way, that's UConn basketball's ladies' coach Geno Auriemma head and the team mascot Jonathan.

McLovin' McRib

The McRib is back! As of November 2nd that delectable pseudo-meat breaded concoction will make is long-awaited return. I guess I'm a big fan of any food that's shaped exactly as it came from the cadaver of its origin. I mean, what other sandwich has "meat" in it with fake ribs built in? None!

IRT

Like many-a-redblooded American male I'm into the show Ice Road Truckers on the History Channel (although not into Deadliest Catch - go figure). But this past Sunday night caught IRT - Deadliest Roads. The truckers from Alaska were doing their thing in the Himalayas. And, holy shit!

Combine trucking, which is inheritantly dangerous with Third World roads and absolutley insane drivers and, well, you have a good watch! Insane, I tell you! Some of the drop-offs on the other side of little, or no, guardrails looked to be thousands of feet. And the bridges? Puh-lease! Not every bolt needs to be tightened, does it?

I related to it, however. On my honeymoon, exactly 14 years ago, in Jamaica we stared death square in the eyes and snickered. Our resort was 90 minutes or so from the airport and they were nice enough to shuttle us in but they didn't exactly have terrible respect for human safety down there. Their idea of caution was to use the horn as they pass, uphill, at a high rate of speed around a steep bend. Good thing I bought those Red Stripes from a kid at the airport selling them out of a duffel bag.

During the trip we also encountered Carribean Department of Transportation's way of warning of impending doom. It seems the sea had washed out 1/2 the two-lane road. The D.O.T. was thoughtful enough to put up a sawhorse with a faded blinking yellow light as warning. That's it. On a road where speeds regularly exceeded 60 m.p.h. we had a sawhorse as a safety net.

Ice Road Truckers, I can relate! Sort of.

And although we may complain about our infrastructure around these parts, thank God its what it is!

Nip no Tuck

I just got off the phone to schedule a vasectomy for the beginning of November. Yeef!

Bumper Stickers

My wife text me recently about a bumper sticker she saw.

Save a Tree. Eat a Beaver.

The car was driven by a woman.

Hot Tub

My inlaws gave us their hot tub. Complete with decking it stands on and the electrical components. Alls I have to do is plug-n-play.

Well,that and pay my new electric bill.

I Shouldn't Shower With a Radio

Lindsay Lohan's in trouble again? No kidding? Can I let you in on a little secret? If she wasn't EVER in trouble I would have NO IDEA who she was. I've never (that I'm aware of) seen one of her movies and I can only name two that she's actually been in off the top of my head: Herbie the Love Bug and Mean Girls.

Therefore, why do I need to hear about her 24/7? Or for that matter Kate Gosslin or Octomom (God I HOPE she does that porn for $500k) or Paris Hilton (another one who just got in trouble) or a slew of others who seem famous for all the wrong reasons. It's really annoying me!

In the shower this morning, when the radio should be playing the latest shitty Adam Lambert song, I get a 5 minute discertation on what they should do to Lindsay regarding her latest legal fiasco. I find myself yelling out loud, "I don't care! Please! Who cares?" (Plus the female half of this morning "zoo" is a friggin idiot - more of why I get annoyed).

Seriously. Why do we care? Lohan's main crime is killing her own career. That and being born to parents who seemingly blame everyone but her. If she never makes another movie will any of us be slightly affected? Doubtful.

Oh my God! I have vested opinions! See? Should I know so much about her?

I'm going to start playing CDs in the shower.

Long Weekend

Long weekends are always cool, of course. But they're even cooler when your birthday falls on the holiday allegedly being celebrated. Yup. My birthday fell on Labor Day this year.

What a great weekend.

Friday night the entire family went to see Avatar. We've seen it on DVD but not in the theater with the entire 3-D experience. Its truly a stunning movievisually, even if the plot is basically the Pocahantis story. I must have become desensitized to violence, thought, until I watch it next to my seven-year-old. But then, she said "cooooooooool!" a few times during some mayhem and let out a "guess that guy won't be using that head again" during a fight seen. I suppose she's unaffected by it all at this point. Is that bad?

Its also funny when people come by picking out their seats and notice an infant. You can hear the whispers and watch them slink away to another part of the theater. They just don't know how awesome he is. He stared that the lights for an hour or so then drifted off to sleep the rest of the time. Not a peep from him.

I golfed the next morning and played awesome if I do say so myself. Best round of the year. Just in time to tune it up for my annual Cape Cod trip/tournament.

Then Saturday night we took in some chilly minor league baseball courtesy of some tickets we won at a fundraiser. We had a blast and ate all kinds of bad food. Our team even won for a change. Plus their were fireworks afterwards. Our little boy took it all in. Easy peesey night!

I golfed the next morning and played less than awesome, but still played ok.

When I arrive home, my little girl was away with her aunt for the night so Mrs. Nouveau took me out to a nice seafood dinner. We both dressed up a bit and had a nice, but not great, meal. What struck me that night is how little people care what they look like! I understand wanting to be comfortable but flip-flops, cargo shorts and a white tee shirt for a Saturday night dinner? Put a little effort in please? Its not Macdonal's. Are we all that lazy that we can't put on a button-up shirt and some khakis? Perhaps I'm becoming a curmudgeon. My little boy was awesome again! Not a peep except for some smiles when patrons stopped by to say how wonderful he is.

I golfed the next morning. Actually played 27 that day, since it was my birthday blayed way less than awesome! Too much of a good thing I suppose.

And that night, after my little girl came back, my in-laws wanted to take me out to dinner. Since it was the holiday many restaurants were closed but we ended up going to a family place up their way. Originally we were just going for pizza, but all ended up getting meals. A decent chicken parmagian was my choice. The portion was huge!

Guess what? My little boy was awesome again! As we were leaving I could hear people in booths nearby commenting how they didn't even know there was a baby in the place. By the way, our little girl is pretty awesome when out too just to be fair. But she sure wasn't this easy when she was nearly 4 months old.

Oh and my birthday score? Some quite expensive golf spikes from the Mrs., a UCONN tee shirt and hat from my daughter and a gift card to Home Depot from my in-laws.

A great birthday weekend!

Time Flies

Number One Son is now over 3 months old and starts preschool on Tuesday. Mrs. Nouveau has already shed a tear or two about that. For some reason these "stepping stones" don't affect me in that way. Classic difference between men and women I guess.

In any event he's growing like crazy. He's basically all smiles and wonderment. Never fussy for more than a few seconds but incredibly wiggly and curious about all that surrounds him. Makes for an easy and fun baby, for sure.

My other one is growing like a weed too. I noticed all the kids at her bus-stop had done so. Amazing how fast kids can grow in 3 shorts months when you havent' seen them. She's a third-grader now. Nearly an upper-classman at the K through 5 elementary school. She's sassy and stubborn and even moody at times. But damn near perfect! And she's kicking my ass at ALL the Wii games except for golf. That seemed to happen over night.

The Mrs. has been home since May 19 and returns to work on Tuesday. She's not looking forward to going back. I hope from this, she realizes that the place survives without her. She doesn't need to be there until 7 or 8 at night so often.

In other news: Hurricane Earl is heading up the East Coast but probably won't impact us too much since it will stay far enough east of here.

My team won a golf tournament yesterday in the 98 degree heat. That was cool and HOT at the same time. I couldn't even drink beer it was so hot.

We've now had 33 days over 90 degrees this summer. Second hottest all time. Sort of looking forward to fall at this point.

BP

Not British Petroleum. Banana peppers!

I'm sitting here eating my Subway Hoagie/Grinder/Sandwish/Sub/Po'Boy - whatever you want to call it - and thinking that banana peppers make everything better!

Facebook: Online Place for Bullshit

Were one to read an acquaintences Facebook page, often times it would be a life desirable by all. I read pages and think how wonderful their life is and think "that's great"! Good for them.

However, when one reads Facebook pages of those he knows, he quickly realizes its really bullshit. I mean, really, really bullshit.

Its like meeting someone for 30 minutes where they can pretend to be anybody they want. But once you truly get to know them you quickly figure out who they really are. Warts and all. And normally, you accept them.

But when my wife's sister posts about her great fiance and how wonderful her life is going I cringe. I know the real story. And guess what? Three days later, they're broken up! And, frankly her life's been in the shitter for years. Don't get me wrong, I love her dearly, but puh-lease! The same goes for the co-worker I befriended. Her page is wonderful and full of positivity. But at work, have to hear day in and day out about how much her life sucks.

So then, who are the posts for? Strangers? Acquaitences? Anybody who knows them a little obviously knows what's going on.

Then, my mom posts recently about how wonderful her trip down to see us all was. And from my viewpoint it was terrific. Below her post, my brother's wife mentions she wishes my mom had stayed longer. Again, puh-lease! My sister-in-law has never enjoyed my mom's company and frankly when visiting can't get out of her house quick enough.

And yet, another extended family member comes across as the sweetest, most compassionate God-fearing saint. I know her. She's a bitch who's done and said some horrible things to and about others. She's petty, she's back-stabbing and she's mean! She treats her daughter like shit and is ever so quick to knock anybody down a peg in her own little insecure way of building herself up. I can't take her even a little. So much-so that I refuse to "friend" her because I can't tolerate for one second her posts and knowing they're nearly 100% lies! But then, she's phony to your face too.

Those are just a few examples. Of course, I understand its about pleasantries and putting one's best foot forward but for some reason it rubs me the wrong way. I guess I don't tolerate phoniness well.

And I'm sure blogging is similar. People want to show their good side. I get it but I stop and wonder how real it all is. Of course the layers exposed are to put the blogger in the best possible light and all the pronouncements are one side of the story, right? No doubt that won't change. And that's fine.

Good thing my life is perfect though.

Vacation Return

Family and I had a nice vacation at the beach. Hotel was so-so, but the location rocked! Weather was cooperative, surf was 85 and the waves where great. We ate out a lot and a ton at a time. I golfed a few times and it was terrific. We hit tons of traffic down and back but my little 2 month old was unbelievably great the entire trip! He's really amazing in his mellowness and it was nice to spend a good solid week with him.

Its so hot.....

Our weather is ridiculously hot this week. Today its 101. Quite rare for southern New England. I mean its HOT! Did you just ask how hot? I mean hot.



Its so hot....



I just saw two squirrels fanning their nuts. Hot I say.
Cows are giving evaporated milk. Hot.
Even Satan took the day off. Wicked HAWT (as they's say in Boston).
The National Weather Service just issued a Flash Sweat Warning. Look out! Its hot.
The trees are whistling for the dogs. Yep. Fucking hot!
It dipped below 95 and I put on a sweater. Did I mention its hot out?
I even got condensation on my butt from the coolness of the bowl water. Now that's HOT!



Okay, enough of that. I'm off to play 9-holes in my golf league. Anybody have a sponge?

** jokes obtained from various sources online

Blah-blah-blog

So, here's me again complaining I have nothing to blog about. I keep thinking that, so I don't blog. That and I'm quite busy lately. So, just to stay in the loop, some tidbits:

• I'm really getting too old for softball. 43 years old and boy am I feeling it. It might be my last year, but the problem is I'm hitting the SHIT out of the ball. I just struggle to run and field. I need to find a team where I can DH fulltime and have a runner. Nah. Then I'd be bored. Dunno, but contemplating having this year be my swan-song.
• Damndest thing recently. My knee - my good knee too - began killing me the other week. Aching like nobody's business. And I didn't hurt it but it got so bad that I started dreading stairs of any kind and I had to skip a game. It went on for nearly 2 weeks and I was getting close to a doctor visit but then, overnight, it got better. Almost no pain at all. What's up with that?
• The family vacation this year is to a resort hotel in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. On the ocean. Indoor and outdoor pool. The whole shebang. Long drive there but plane tickets are riduculous right now. We're going to make both ways two-day drives. In any event, I'm really looking forward to it. Only two weeks away. Will I bring my golf clubs? Yes. Have I told the wife? Ummmm....I don't believe its come up. Shame too, because the tee-times are prepaid.
• The newest addition to my family continues to amaze us with his mellowness. He is just so not needy. I have yet to hear him cry for more than 5 or 6 seconds in length. And he's 5 weeks old. He eats like a champ so he does get up at night, but once he's fed he's content to chillax and watch the world unfold. We can't wait to see how he turns out.
• Of course we're trying to give as much attention as possible to our 7 year old who's been quite fantastic about the changes in our lives. She attempts to be helpful and cooperative. What can I say? She's terrific if not cleverly sassy. Hard to get too mad at her sassiness when its back with so much wit and humor. But we try. Taking her to the GHO golf tourney this week, then she has golf camp next week, then our vacation, then to my parents in Maine for a week, then another golf camp, and a visit to Cape Cod. And many many day trips to the pool. Summer's should be great for kids, shouldn't they?
• My new truck is still awesome. Not a hiccup whatsoever. I love the space and the towability. 2000 more payments and that bad-boy will be all mine!
• Golf this year has been okay. My new swing is taking its sweet time to come around, but then if Tiger took 2.5 years for his swing to take affect, how long should mine? He probably hits 1000 balls a day! My job gets in the way of that. But I am seeing glimpses of improvement. That, or I'm hallucinating. As long as I think its improvement, that's all that matters.
• How about that weather lately? Hot, chilly, torrential rain, drought? We're having it all here this year so far.

Pretty boring stuff, eh? Sorry about that. Its my life. Not so boring to me.

Got Facebook?

Do you have Facebook? I do. But frankly, it bores me to tears. I really don't care if my brother is back from fishing or that some tertiary friend's kid took 5th place in his Jiu Jitsu competition. But, if you have it and you really, really feel compelled to post on it - be careful. Case in point:

Welcome to the World

He was born Wednesday May 19, 2010 and mother and child are both doing great! No complications whatsoever. He came home Friday.

He's a mellow little bugger. Fussing consists of a one-time, loud "waaaaa!" If he doesn't get what he wants in a few moments he does it again. Loves to eat that one! And poop!

So far so good. Its been quite easy.

We could not be happier.

Updating Yet Again

After another delay because they feel his lungs still aren't ready, they're telling us next Tuesday the will induce her, no matter what. He's just getting too big.

Update

No baby yet. They tested to see if TLO II was ready to be induced into the world but he needs to bake in that oven another week. Kinda like checking a cake, no? Evidently, this one just ain't ready yet.

So, we'll miss out on our little Cinquo de Mayo bundle of joy and we're a bit disappointed because we were getting anxious to meet him. But we can wait another week or so.

Well. At least I can. She's had enough smuggling basketballs.

Cinquo De Mayo

Of course, with gestational diabetes they worry about the size of the baby. He's really grown a ton in the past month or so. Therefore, on May 4 they will do an amnio to make sure his lungs are ready and if they are, we will go in May 5 (Cinquo De Mayo) and they will induce her. He should be about 8 pounds at that point and only 2 1/2 weeks early.

His room's not ready but other than that, we can't wait!

Tiger Who?

I can't root for Tiger Woods anymore. I used to be a big fan, but I just can't root for him.

Although, I was riveted watching the Master's on Sunday and was rooting for Phil Mickelson the whole time so I was VERY glad when he won. Especially given all his wife and mom have been through.

But. Enough Tiger already. Please. There's plenty of good golf stories that don't involve him.

Boo!

I'm still around. No baby just yet, though. All is well unless you account for some Gestational Diabetes.

Also, looking forward to my first weekend without overnights at the Casino. Cool.

Cuttin' Back

We're is such a good place financially that I've decided to quit my part-time job as a Blackjack Dealer. Its been a fun two years and the extra money was awesome (even moreso with our new union contract). But the time is here for me to enjoy the summer and welcome our new baby and get a few more hours of sleep per weekend.

So, when I go in tomorrow night I will give two week's notice. I'm pretty stoked about it.

How Many With Who From Where?

My Jets recently acquired Antonio Cromartie. He of the seven children from 6 women in 5 states. Evidently, they had to help him with his support payments until he starts the season and gets a paycheck. Oh brother.

Exactly how much is a pack of condoms these days?

Up is Down

I've never been overseas and was completely unaware that in England you flip the switch "down" to turn the light on. I would find that a more difficult adjustment than right hand drive.

Marbles Again?

I said it before, I'll say it again:

To the Employees of Dewey, Suem & Howe: check twice and if there's still marbles, FLUSH AGAIN! Thank you for your anticipated cooperation.

Golf Clubs

I went into Golfer's Warehouse over the weekend to have the grips on my clubs replaced and check my lie angles for any necessary adjustments. The service guy told me my clubs were really, really worn out in that the grooves on the face were nearly gone. I do hit a ton of balls but I didn't really notice. However, it was obvious after comparing them to new ones. After I inquired about what to look for, he proceeded to show me clubs he thought were perfect for me. I hit them and liked them and all that but I was waiting for the kicker; price.

Guess what? He sold me the least expensive clubs in the store (I would have gladly paid much more - these are a last year's model too) and provided documentation showing how that particular model is as good as any other in the store and how converting my 3 and 4 iron to semi-hybrids and changing my shaft flex would immediately help my game. He was so excited for me, that it was infectious.

Then he said he'd give me an additional 20% discount if I didn't mind the demo set. Hell, they'd be "demos" in my bag after hitting them once. So I agreed.

So I went for it. I bought them then and there. But he couldn't find the club head covers for the demo set so he ended up giving me the brand new, boxed set for the demo price since I had already paid.

I'm sort of an impulsive purchaser at times, but lately I've been taking care to do my research. But I just trusted this guy right away. I really felt he was looking for me, not store profits. Yet, I was worried how much he might have "played me". Perhaps he was just a great actor.

Turns out he was dead on that they were perfect for me as far as I could tell from three trips to driving range (great weather past few days). And....I couldn't find the clubs within $250 of the price I paid at Amazon.com or anywhere else online.

I'm a pretty happy camper!

Bring on Spring now.

What's Your Return Policy?

Although I don't buy donuts often, my addiction for coffee rather frequently has me in Dunkin' Donuts (they of the franchise every 350 feet for so - seriously, do we need them across the street from each other? Its gettin' to be rigoddamndiculous) to purchase a cup. At which time, they insist on giving me a receipt. You know what? I'm all set. Keep your paper.

It reminds me of the late, great Mitch Hedberg.....

“I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don’t need a receipt for a doughnut. I’ll give you the money, you give me the doughnut…end of transaction. We do not need to bring ink and paper into this. I just cannot imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: “Don’t even act like I didn’t get that doughnut…I got the documentation right here! (pause) Oh wait, it’s back home in the file under ‘D’ for doughnut.” ‘Cuz we all know what ‘D’ is.

~Mitch Hedberg

I agree.

Random Sounds

I hit "shuffle" and here are 10 Random Songs from my Blackberry:

1. Can't Fight this Feeling - REO Speedwagon

Lol - something about REO that brings me back to being 15. Good times! Should I be embarrased that's on there?

2. Love Remains The Same - Gavin Rossdale

Such a good tune. And I was a big Bush fan too. (The BAND, people! Get your minds out of the gutter!)

3. Layne - Aaron Lewis - WCCC Live at Planet of Sound.

I love Aaron Lewis' (he of Staind, of course) voice even though I don't always care for the songs he does. This is live and unplugged and its pretty cool, but I have to admit, sometimes I skip it when it comes up.

4. Zoo Station - U2

You can never go wrong with some U2, but, like Aaron Lewis, I find I skip their songs sometimes. I think I have to be in a certain mood.

5. In the End - Linkin Park

Frankly, I'm not sure why this band's not MORE popular. They have so many great songs.

6. Allentown - Billy Joel

I have tons of Billy Joel in my phone and I think, for the most part, his music holds up great. Perhaps its the stories he tells in them. Plus it brings me back to college. Good times! Isn't so much of music nostalgia?

7. Hole Hearted - Extreme

I'm a sucker for good guitar work and Nuno Bettencourt never disappoints. I guess he's playing in Rihanna's band now. Interesting.

8. Falling Away From Me - Korn

Like Linkin Park I'm surprised this band doesn't get more accolades. They're cool in that they get their darker sound from use of tuned down 7-string Ibanez guitars.

9. Rock and Roll Aint Noise Pollution - AC/DC

AC/DC needs NO explanation. And don't you dare hate on them or its "go time!"

10. Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skynyrd

Another guitar-based band I enjoyed back in the day. I don't mind rocking out to them once in a while (and I LOVE playing their songs) but I do skip over them too.

Well, that's it. I'm surprised Creed and/or Shinedown didn't come up since I have tons of their stuff loaded. But I typed what I heard.

Your turn.

Skating for Bears

Do the male figure skaters in the Olympics have to hold a Teddy Bear while they're waiting for their scores? Isn't that a bit.....ummmm......much?

I'll be anxious to see if the hockey players hold one between shifts.

6 Months

We're fast approaching 6 months and everything is going along well. Of course by well, I mean, I'm fine and my main concern about the new baby, finances, especially $1000 per month childcare, are in really good shape.

Of course, she's a bit uncomfortable with some growing pains, exhaustion, swollen ankles and achey nipples pretty much 24/7. But, like I said, I'm fine.

Offsetting those items though are really big boobs, which are nice, clear, porcelain skin and that glow. That glow that is endemic to pregnant women. Its just beautiful. All is well on the homefront.

Life is good!

What Up Babs?

Chicken Little screamed and clawed and clucked. But in the end, the sky didn't fall. Nor much else.

Three days! Three days we heard about the impending snowstorm. "Barbara" they named her. High winds. Deep snows. Impending doom, they said! Doooooooooooom.

Schools closed the afternoon before. Predictions had 10 to 18 inches, with higher amounts possible. One storm would meet another. We should all stock up on bread and water and Chef-Boyardee.

So what if it was a little late in arriving but only by, oh, 7 hours or so. Of course, then the amounts were reduced to 6 to 10 inches. Flakes fell. Barely. However, it merely coated the grass and created wet pavement. Stay indoors unless travel is absolutely necessary, right? But certainly, the wallop was to come.

By the 6pm forecast, snowfall amounts were reduced to 2 to 5 inches. Woah! Bad enough, I guess, but, what the HELL am I going to do with the 32 cans of Beefaroni and 7 loaves of bread I bought in preparation?

At daybreak today I arose early so as to allow time for snow removal and school delays. Racing to the window, I threw open the sash and looked upon the winter wonderland. Initially surprised to find the window wasn't completely blocked by drifting snow, I anticipated the the beauty and purity of newfallen snow covering all in a Snuggie of white.

Then I saw it. The devastation television forecasters and ticker tape warnings that were foretold - we had maybe, maybe, 1 and one-half inches of snow! Babs wasn't quite the bitch we feared.

Where's my can opener?

Back Off

A menacing little Toyota Prius was tailgating me half-way to work today! Sort of like being chased by Freddie or Jason or something. I was askeered! Guess his brakes were working today, though. Phew!

Superbowl

How should I bet the Superbowl? Any thoughts? I'm saving money like crazy right now pending expensive child-care in a few months, but I can scrape up a couple bucks to make the game interesting. I just don't know which way to go.

Of course we'll play cards and have our money grid, but I need to bet the game somehow.

Thinking Colts (4.5 point faves) and the "over" (56.5 - wow!) in a teaser. Therefore, I would GET 1.5 points for the Colts (they could lose by 1) and the over under would be reduced to 50.5. I've done well with these in the past, but not a great feel this year. Any thoughts?

And if you're not betting it, or have other rooting interest, you can cheer the game on my behalf. So thanks in advance.

Oops

I was having a wonderful day - being productive and in a generally good mood here at the office. Went to the rest room and ----- my friggin zipper is broken! It won't work! I think I need to go home. I really liked these pants too.

Jimmy Young

In honor of my previous "Pants on the Ground" post, I present Jimmy Fallon's sendup of the song, as Neil Young.

Boy-O-Boy

Yup.

Gonna be a boy. We found out a few weeks ago. I'm good with that but then I would have been good with another daughter too.

Presently, I'm in naming negotiations with my wife and daughter. My daughter's name was easy. We had it picked out 10 years before she was born and although it slowly became more common, but we stuck with it. She has probably 4 nicknames that have nothing to do with her given name too.

As to Junior* my last name doesn't allow for some common boy names and my daughter's name (in my opinion) doesn't allow for "yuppie" type names - since she has one it would seem too much to have another (am I over-thinking this?). Some of my wife's suggestions I've found not enticing at all. Of course, we've had fun with some crazy names as well. Recently I threw a new name in the mix as did my daughter and our original boy name for our daughter is still alive, but on life support. I could live with the Little One's suggestion - and I suspect that may win in the compromise - but none of my wife's suggestions so far grab me at all.

Sesame Street, pop culture and cartoons have further limited our selection. Surely, we can't name our son Kermit, Phineas, Magic, Ferb, Damien, Grover, Kramer, Slash or Dr. J.

At least we have 4 months to figure it all out. Any suggestions for me?

*** No, I'm not going the "junior" route - I really, really don't like that - no offense to those that have done it but it seems to me to say "I'm so great I named my kid after me" - plus all the credit report confusion it creates ***

Pants on the Ground

Pants on the ground
Pants on the ground
Lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground

With the gold in your mouth
Hat turned sideways
Pants hit the ground
Call yourself a cool cat
Lookin' like a fool
Walkin' downtown with your pants on the ground

Get it up, hey!
Get your pants off the ground
Lookin' like a fool
Walkin' talkin' with your pants on the ground.

Get it up, hey!
Get your pants off the ground
Lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground

If you watched American Idol last night, you'll know this tune all too well. Probably rattling around in your head all day. I know its in mine (that, and the theme to Super Mario Brothers Wii). Catchy and damn if he doesn't have a point. Click here for more.

Avatar

We tried to see Avatar over the weekend. I knew it would be a huge hit so I wanted to get there early so as not to get shut out. Stupid me. Everyone buys tickets online now. The ENTIRE evening was sold out WAY in advance.

D'oh! Guess I'll wait until it comes to DVD.

Hope Its Not Regifted

So, right before Christmas our gas stove shit the bed. Apparently, appliances, in the excitement of the holidays, get overloaded and die around that time. Happens often, no?

Anyway, good husband that I am, I got her a new one for Christmas. Nice huh? No? Well before you think me a cold-hearted, unromantic SOB, note that I also got her a new kitchen garbage pail that matched it.

So there!

Toilet Dangers

Does anyone have one of those piston-activated toilet seat covers? You know, the ones that gently lower the lid after a touch of the finger?

I have them in my bathrooms.

Love them -- except. I forget other toilets don't and have found myself catching the seat. One of these days its going to be LOUD!

Wee Wii

Is one out of shape if they're sore the day after playing Wii Boxing?

No? Good. I would hate to think I'm out of shape.

Happy New Year

I've been checking in periodically but just haven't had anything interesting to post about. Holidays, busy at work, etc.